This morning in my bible study it was as if someone threw cold water in my face and startled me to reality

The difficulty in old age for some of us is mental retention.  I really didn’t expect for this to happen until the seventies or eighties, but here I am in my mid to late sixties experiencing some of the symptoms of beginning Alzheimer’s.  I rationalize this with my diabetes, stress level or anything else because nobody wants to believe they actually have it.  However, as I watched my little mama in her mid seventies purposely hide and refuse to discuss these symptoms the thoughts linger in the recesses of my mind. 

Therefore, I intend to write down things I deem important to share with others because being able to convey my thoughts seem to get all tangled from my head to my mouth.

This morning in my study it was as if someone threw cold water in my face and startled me to reality.

There were three simple steps to this revelation.

1.       In the past seven days what kind of things sparked your anger?  Get specific.

1.This was a no brainer for me.  I put down a list as long as my arm and it was just things that took place in the past two days.

2.                2. Let’s intentionally complicate the matter when was the last time you felt your anger was justified?

         Ditto,  and I once more made my list.  

3.        3.      Now look back at James 1:20  For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. 

“Notice James does not refute anger as a plausible emotion.  He refutes a quick temper as a holy conspirator toward a righteous life.”

“Now how might Ephesians 4:30-31 imply that anger could affect the manifestation of the Spirit in us?”

My answer, because it states do not grieve the Holy Spirit and we know if we are saved the Holy Spirit indwells us.

"David P. Nystrom says James may be "instructing us to be slow to assume the mantle of righteous indignation, because in so doing we implicitly claim to speak for God."  This prospect certainly got my attention.  As Beth says, "If the implications were frightening in James' day when letters were written longhand and delivered foot-slow, imagine the impact in a culture where we can instantly voice our heated opinions in a public forum without the benefit of an editor or a permanent eraser."  As posting on Face Book is so easily done for me.

“He passes over the proud like they have a spiritual plague.”  This is when the cold water hit me square in the face and made my eyes sting as I inwardly cried out in shock of the revelation.

I have not seen myself as prideful.  How well the imps of hell disguise themselves.  I do not wonder that the Lord has not used me in a way that I could readily see.  I have been so full of the very thing he hates.  Do I wish to relate this sin like a banner and as a cherished sin?  I do not. I want to do as James in his inspired writing in verse 21 states.  I want to rid myself of all filthiness and excess sin which in my conviction is pride as well as other sins I am well aware of. There is nothing like looking in the mirror after you have eaten a meal in public and seeing a string of turnip greens dangling from in between one of your front teeth.

How many times have I seethed in my righteous indignation?  The reality is I grieved the Holy Spirit  every time.  What about my pride?  I never saw it as my pride.  I saw it defending the faith or defending someone or at least this was my mindset.  Of course here I am referring to righteous indignation. 

As for the anger that spurts from me like some kid setting off fire crackers at the fourth of July and too many times now in my old age lingering around to fester in my heart or explode into thoughts or spoken words that range from revenge to absolute punching out somebody’s lights (which I know I won’t do, but sure doesn’t keep me from wanting to do so). 

My pride, if I can only try and fix their problem, if I can find the words to convey to them their error in judgment, if I could just help them or do it for them.  Dear heavenly Father, forgive me for I know not what I am about.  I forget what you are all about!

I have been praying for conviction of my sin and for help to overcome those I readily see and once again my precious Savior has put it in front of me in living color.  All I can say is praise you Lord.

Now comes the hard part.  I must put this revelation into action in my life.  I am wondering (my pure lack of faith), does anyone out there have a cabin in the woods at least 50 miles from civilization with no phone?  And would they like to care for the sweetest, kindest, most understanding man heading toward 70?

Seriously, I intend to play that record in my head until I know the song.  I must humble myself before Almighty God and those I have within my circle of influence and realize that my anger and righteous indignation grieves the Holy Spirit.  I believe even in my retention deficit that I can remember this.

And I intend to memorize the verses James 1:19 and 20.  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.  I will memorize the KJV because I never intend to forsake the standard for the easy to understand, however I will quote also the NIV for those that may not share my conviction.

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

And hopefully I will remember verses 22 -25.  Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says, anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it_he will be blessed in what he does. NIV

                                                                  Quotes are from Beth Moore’s study “James, Mercy Triumphs”

My gods

This morning I finished my latest bible study by Kelly Minter, “No Other Gods.” 

For those of you that are like me and are headed toward 70 looking back on 65 years of age, you probably find housekeeping to be a chore that takes two or three the times the amount of time that it took before.  Also it seems easy to overlook the little things like dust and put them off for another day. 

For me this study was sort of like housekeeping.  Looking inside myself to find where these gods are in my life and removing them to make room for The one and only God was like house cleaning.  It was hard and I was tired and I just didn’t want to see all that dust under the top of the tables.

I was shocked when I realized that there were dragons hiding in my heart.  There is a TV on the front of the study book, and the words,” confronting our modern-day idols,”  My pious heart said, “Ah Lord God that is no idol for me.”  I made room for you several years ago and with your help removed this idol in my life.  However, what did I replace it with?

As the study progressed it was really difficult for me to see idols in my life, so it was a real shock to find that the biggest idol in my life was myself.   Then to find that my children were my idols, this rocked my world.

In order that this might testify to someone other than me I will need to explain my idols.  I have enough knowledge and have lived long enough to feel that I know the way things should be.  In reality I am a fool to even think I remotely have a clue to the way things should be.  I know scripture and that it is true and I also know that we cannot take scripture and make it fit our lives but we must let our lives fit scripture.  My problem begins when I judge others as if they do not know how to live and are not living the way God would have them to live.  It is God that matures us in the faith not Lillian Turner.  Oh! When I look back to when I was 20 or 30 or 40 and see where I was and where God has brought me from it absolutely makes me want to crawl in a hole and pull the dirt over me and never show my face again.  Yet it is when I look back and see how mighty, faithful, powerful and wonderful God is and what he can do with such a sinner as me, that I can share his amazing grace and can know that He can fill these empty spaces as I try to in faith remove these existing idols.

Sunday morning God showed me myself in living color as I made my usual critical judgment of an individual that in my eyes wanted to run up and down the ilse of our church, flipping her beautiful hair, shaking her beautifully shaped body and seemingly flaunting herself time and time again with little precious children as her excuse.   As I sat there contemplating what I could say to her that would let her know she was interrupting the services all the time, the Lord planted his foot right in the middle of my heart and I remembered how I wanted attention at that age.  I remembered how I wanted to know I was loved and that I was worth something to someone.  I wanted to be admired, cherished and adored, because we are all selfish and think only of our needs and desires at one time or another in our lives, but it is God that changes that focus and not some, well meaning, person.  I asked God to forgive me of my critical, condemning heart and to help me pray for this young girl.  God does not always give answers immediately and when he does it just blows my mind.  Sunday night that girl never left her seat.  All I did was pray for the Holy Spirit to convict her heart to be still.  Every service she will be in my prayers from this day forward and I will ask God to show her His ways and not be critical of her.  Such a small thing maybe to some but to me it was a heartfelt conviction for my thoughts.

This study did not bring about conviction that my focus was Cyclopes’ on the lives of my children,  I already had this earlier in my life,  however I never thought of them as my little gods.  This has brought about and even stronger desire to lay down my will and reach up to God to perform His without any help from me. 

This morning I had an exercise in this direction and I cannot reveal the self control and prayer it took for me to just overcome my desire to control in this situation.  Eddie had gotten up earlier and came in to turn off the alarm.  He said he was up and not planning to come back to bed any time soon and would get Alex off to school.  If I rose up once I rose up a half dozen times to go advise him or her.  I did fail and called to her to doctor her chin.  The victory was that I did not get up and remind him of the money Carol had given me to give her for lunch money.  It was like I had to put chains around my feet to lay there and not get up and go get the coat from her back pack and spray the coat and her back pack with Frebreeze because the night before I had noticed her bag smelled musty.  And her papers were still there and not removed to stay at home.  Now why I didn’t do it at the time is a mystery, because after all I am the fixit of all times.  I had gotten up and literally threw myself back on the bed and said, “please God, let me stay here and let Eddie handle it.”  I knew he could without my help but to let him was the challenge of the day.  Once again prayer was answered.  I know prayer brings faith and faith brings action, therefore I am looking for my faith to increase as I see God working in my heart and life.

Now we face a new challenge and one that is most likely the one that will take all the faith that God has given me in my lifetime.  Carol has developed health problems.  She has no will to leave to provide her last wishes to be performed.  Unfortunately verbal wills do not count in law.

We all have our weaknesses.  Mine has always been lack of self control which I thank my report card for self fulfilled prophesy.  I will always wonder if that report card had not had the words “does not use self control” written across the citizenship remarks would my life have been different.  Unfortunately our children pick up our failures and run the extra mile with them rather than our victories in life.  Eddie has more self control than an elephant has strength, so why did our children not take after him?  If Carol can control her diet and get exercise she may increase her chances to live out her life at least to see Alex grown.  If the Lord does not come back and take us all home then it is my greatest desire to see Alex have her mom until she is grown.  The challenge for me will be to trust in God to take full control of the situation and accept the results of whatever His will is for the life of Carol and Alex.  I cannot force her to make a will.  I cannot prepare meals and nag her to eat right and lose her weight and do the things she must do for her health.  It isn’t even my right to do those things. 

Last December I literally gave Alex up when she moved to Gilmer to be with her mom.  I gave up Carol to be the wife of Marcus and no longer be my focus in life.  Once I was able to get past the grief and trust them to God to take full control and let them go the burden was lifted and I felt free.    The circumstances of being an hour and fifteen minutes away certainly helped my endeavor to resist the temptation to be a major part of their lives as before.  My girls were now no longer mine to take care of and only God could take care of them.  I learned to pray more earnestly, yet at this point in my life I still did not realize Alex and Carol were idols in my life.  Then in May my idols moved back home with husband and son to enter my realm of needing to help.

I made this commitment earlier in the study but it has been confirmed even more vividly today at the end than before.  My prayer is that the Lord would give me the faith and enable me to completely surrender my loved ones to his care and I knew all the time that it was He that had the power to do anything, but I was misguided into thinking if I said the right thing, or provided the right care that it would make a difference.  Now I pray that God will let me take my hands off and simply live an example before them and continue to pray for them.  I have said enough words to last my entire family for a life time.  I have given enough advice to paint the earth. 

My grandson told me exactly how I have been able to get away with all this help and their lives show the results of all my good intentions.  He said, “MeeMaw me and Jesse always knew you meant well.” 

This is the saddest commentary a person could ever have in her life to come to the end after giving her all to her family in trying to be certain they were trained up in the way they should go and do everything possible to insure they knew the need of salvation, and their need to live right and just before the Lord, to be told we always knew you meant well.

If nothing else this confirms they were my gods and my need to be their god was greater than my faith in the God to be their God.   My greatest desire is that God will allow me to live long enough to see his work performed in their lives and from just one of them to say, “Thank you, I just wanted to share with you that God has brought me where I am today.”

I have every intention to watch and wait for them to come to the Lord and serve him with all their hearts and it doesn’t really matter if I ever hear those words, what matters is they heard His.

A New Beginning

It never ceases to amaze me that for one that has never really liked to read a lot but would get buried in "Modern Romance", "True Detective," and  "Harlequin Romance", could ever put them all behind and in the Winter years of life become so totally mesmerized with Bible Studies.  God has really shown me where I was and who I was and where He has brought me to be today.  Those books did not satisfy.  They did not fill a void in my life,  They had nothing for me to build on that would last.  And now I have come to a place in my life when I just want to learn and have faith and watch the power of God work in my life and those lives of my loved ones, knowing it is His will to perform and only mine to watch and wait to see unfold.

Yesterday we had our regular church service and luncheon for 5th Sunday, however from 4pm to 6pm we had our Harvest Festival for all the little ones over in our Family Life Center.  I was somewhat disappointed to have our regular service dismissed.  Things had been hectic all day and I had been in pretty much continual prayer because I definitely was not handling things in the manner I sought to handle them from inside my mind where I wanted desperately to serve the Lord.  It is very difficult to teach Sunday School with a heart filled with frustration and anger.  I even let the kids go get a drink so I could pray and ask God to remove these things from my heart that I could somehow convey to these children the power of God when he sent fire from heaven to devour the sacrifice where the wood was covered with 12 barrels of water.  Lord I needed you to remove the 12 barrels of water on the sacrifice of my heart that was willing to worship you, but was frustrated beyond my ability to help myself.

Life did not seem to get too much better as the day progressed but the Lord prevailed and we made it to the Harvest Festival and I enjoyed visiting with two ladies I had never met and with others that came and left our table as they finished their hot dogs or whatever they had to eat.  We went for a hay ride and Alex was a happy camper as I enjoyed visiting with another lady I had never met and life was good.  It is always wonderful to watch the little ones dressed in various costumes.  I especially loved the lady bug, and bumble bees along with bat man, and spider man.  They are all so cute and the little ones that are just learning to walk trying to run are really something to watch and marvel.

Brother Dean had a table sitting on some plastic in the sanctuary where everyone gathered in a small service to end our Festivities.  The church was filled with little ones as well as the older children.  I believe mostly 6th grade down and then all our teenagers which hosted the event and worked the booths.  There were prizes to be awarded and one must be there in order to receive them.  We were to all move closer to the front in order to see which I did willingly up to the 5th row but Alex wanted to sit on the front.  This was the first of Firsts for Alex.  She even went up without me.  This was the second of Firsts.  Brother dean presented the pumpkin and gave his analogy of a parable from the Bible.  He slit some left over parts holding the top of the pumpkin and removed the lid.  Inside he pulled out all the seed and gooey stuff and explained about the sin inside of us.  Ending his sermon after putting the candle inside representing the person had repented of sin, believed on Christ and accepted Christ as Savior, he gave an unusual type of invitation.  He had everyone close their eyes during the song and told the children that if anyone felt they wanted to know more about Christ and salvation to hold up their hand.  Someone would be there to talk with them.

Then afterwards they drew names for the prizes.  I was so surprised when the first prize went to one of my children in my Sunday School class, Collin.  He received a 20" TV.  Wow!  The the next prize was an i pod.  Alex Weed's name was called.  The children on the front murmured, she was right here.  She is here, so they said meet Brother Ryan at the back and claim her prize for her.   My thought was she went to the bath room and I did not see her.  John came running up and said Alex had held her hand up and had gone with some lady to talk with her.  This was the 3rd of Firsts for Alex.  Finally I found out that she had gone with Joy Armstrong, our song leaders wife.  Finally they came out of the nursery and Susan Wilson was also with her.  I knew it was serious for Alex to raise her hand.  Both women felt she was on the edge but just not quite ready to make the commitment or else scared to do so (in my opinion).  Another first for Alex and one for John also was he kept bubbling over about how Alex was so well behaved and had listened to every word not talking like some other of the kids.  John rarely compliments Alex and although Alex is usually pretty well behaved it would have been unusual for her to be with a bunch of kids without an adult and behave so well.

Alex would not talk with me nor Eddie about her thoughts and we felt best to leave her alone until she was ready.  This morning she was acting out refusing to go in and get breakfast not just one place but twice and ended up going to school without any.  I feel she is deeply disturbed by all this and it just thrills my heart that once again God is amazing me with his ways.  We are all in prayer for Alex.  I am excited because I want to watch God work in this and I just want to be privileged to see it happen.  I know He will save Alex.  I know she has that free choice and she is a hard nut to crack but she has been so blessed with having the teachings taught to her and her little heart is ripe and ready.  My prayer is God let me keep my hands off and let those who are as anxious to see her move to likewise.  I know Alex and her personality and it has to come from her in her time and any pushing will turn her away immediately.  Thank you Lord for all you have done for me and my family and for what your about to do.

There are lessons all around us to teach us the true meaning of love.

If you will look closely at the eyes you can see that these two horses are not well. Hopefully they are getting better but picked up a disease from a new horse brought onto the farm. I believe the one in front is Man and the one at his rear is Rose. Man and Rose are brother and sister. Only they think they are Mother and daughter.

On Easter morning after church we came home to find the mother of these two standing in shock with her intestines hanging below her belly. Rose had been born the day before and somehow
M.J. had gored herself on a T post. She had to be put down and left behind a colt a little more than 24 hours old without a mother. The other mare in the pasture would have nothing to do with Rose. She would not take a bottle but we found she would drink from a bucket. So she was raised on a bucket for food but Man decided to adopt her as his and they were never apart. She followed him around trying to nurse and he gently nudged her away but never left her side.

Today they still are as a pair. They eat from the same bucket as they have since Rose was old enough to eat grain. And now they both have the illness and once more they are soul mates and never leave each other. I missed taking the shot where they were standing each having their head around the others necks. Man and Rose love in action. It is almost as though they have said to one another, "until death do us part."

There are lessons all around us to teach us the true meaning of love and I just shared one with you.

Emmanuel

Did I make a judgment or did I just feel righteous indignation?

The young man stood and gave his life story, body twisted, no hands and walked with a limp, yet leaped in the air and ran with joy after his performance. He was still greatly compromised and I can only imagine the pain his body must endure, but more than this I wonder where his soul will spend eternity. This is the song he sang for the audition. John Lennon’s “Imagine.”

Imagine there is no heaven It’s easy if you try, No hell below us above us only sky, Imagine all the people living for today Imagine there is no countries it isn’t hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too. Imagine all the people living life in peace,

You may say I am a dreamer, but I’m not the only one, I hope someday you will join us and one day the world will be as one. Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can. No greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man. Imagine all the people sharing all the world. You may say I am a dreamer, but I hope I am not the only one. I hope someday you will join us and the world will live as one.

His praise was for the mother that adopted he and his brother and saved them from living in an orphanage where they were taken after being found in a shoe box as infants. The mother had gotten him through multiple operations. They were in Iraq and born in a war zone. His body was twisted and no right hand. The left hand was a thumb and two fingers I think. It was very deformed. He had a beautiful smile and the audience listened in absolute quiet and then he sang. The audience went wild with cheers and the judges cried. In the wings his mother and brother with cousins showed emotions of joy and tears.

My first reaction was where is the praise of God? Who gave you life and brought you from the pit you were in and let you stand here today to give witness of all that has happened. And the song seemed to just be almost blasphemous. And then the thought came did John Lennon actually believe in these things his song he wrote imagined did not exist? How can I know the heart of John Lennon?

I went back and looked at the video again, and tried to look at this soul through the eyes of Jesus and my heart melted. He had a testimony that would have praised and glorified the power that allowed him to stand there but his praise was for a human mother which I totally understand deserved his praise.

I then thought of the ten men that were lepers that called out to Jesus, Master, have mercy on us. And he told them to go show the priest. And it came to pass as they went their way they were healed. As I recall they had to go to the priest after they were cleansed before they could go back into society. Only one leper came back and glorified God. He was a Samaritan. We have not changed much in 2000 years have we? Referenced Luke 17:12-19.

Then he sang a song that gave no glory whatsoever to the Son of God that was sent by His father from that Heaven

that we are to imagine does not exist and gave His life to give us a way of escape from

that Hell prepared for the devil and his angels that we imagine does not exist.

I can imagine all the people living in peace but only in the name above all names with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords forever and ever Amen.

Amazing! His name is Emmanuel Kelley. Emmanuel means God with us. How ironic.

This morning I pray Jesus will send someone to tell Emmanuel and his family in Australia about salvation. I can only imagine how amazing it would be if our missionary there on the field were to visit the home of Emmanuel Kelley and let him know that God loves him and it was God that allowed him to be here today for His purpose. And there would be an audience that would stand up and clap, and whistle, and scream for joy. They would be the angels in heaven rejoicing over a soul saved from a devil’s hell that does indeed exist.

If only Emmanuel knew the Jesus that would cause one to sing the song "I can only Imagine."

"I can only imagine what it will be like, when I walk by Your side...
I can only imagine, what my eyes will see, when Your Face is before me!
I can only imagine. I can only imagine.

Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! I can only imagine!

I can only imagine, when that day comes, when I find myself standing in the Son!
I can only imagine, when all I will do, is forever, forever worship You!
I can only imagine! I can only imagine!

Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?

Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! Yeah! I can only imagine!

In walked Angels

During the Storms of Life Jesus sent the Angels of Light into our lives I feel like the football player in the story Brother Randy spoke of in his sermon. I am just so caught up in joy and happiness that I just have to grab the ball and run for the touchdown. We indeed do serve such an Awesome God. He is my anchor. He is the ship in the stormy sea. He is the Light from heaven.

I have been to revival meetings all my life but this one was a first. Eddie and I have never opened our home to strangers and not because we would not do it, but because the opportunity never arose that I am aware of anyway. It absolutely amazes me. These four complete strangers walk into our home and I immediately seat them to eat supper having barely given time for introductions and now that it is all past, I realize they were like our children walking in and sitting down to eat. No feelings of strange people sitting at our table, no different than my own flesh and blood sitting down to eat. Can you believe that? I have had kindred spirits before that were just people I met that I was instantly drawn to but for Eddie and I both to just be so completely comfortable with four complete strangers. I don’t even remember them bringing in the luggage that I saw them leave with.

The week has been like a small tornado in that it blew them in and took them away in a swirl of wind. We were so blessed to have been given the opportunity to have their little boys with us. It was like going back into time each time Eligah looked into my eyes. Those were the eyes of our own little Jesse when he was twelve. Big beautiful dark brown eyes surrounded by long lashes. And my friend Joyce Allee always said she loved peoples’ eyes and they were windows of the soul. Oh my they are……Colby is only ten but he appears the size of six or seven. He is very quiet but when he speaks I listened. I could listen to his heart as he put his arms around my neck and said I love old people because they always help you. I watched my heart twist into a piece of pain and suffering when I walked into the bathroom where Elijah said Colby was sick and saw him sitting in front of the commode holding himself up by having his arms laying on the bowl and his head laying on his arm, face ashen and the look of absolute helplessness. That picture will remain in my memory as long as I live. Colby is a type 1 diabetic and this was my first experience to be around this particular malady. In my head I knew we were in trouble but in my heart I felt it would be alright if I could just hold together until we could get his sugar up. What amazes me is my daughter, the RN was next door but I just called his mother. What a tower of strength that little lady is will be another memory. Unlike me she seems to take it all in stride and never wavers whatever the situation might be. She just begins to react with all the right words and all the right actions. Sharon is a witness of faith in action.

Elijah will be the perfect diplomat. Never in my sixty seven years have I ever known a twelve year old that continuously validates and compliments an individual. He is very outgoing and his energy is contagious. He has a wonderful, loving personality. I think Elijah taught me the true meaning of praise in action.

Jimmy has the ability to blend. He compliments, praises and instantly becomes family. He is gentle, kind and like Colby very quiet yet always willing to talk and listen. Sharon and Jimmy are both very good at listening. Jimmy is the only person that has ever come into my life that we could sit on the couch in silence and each do our own morning bible study and me actually keep my mouth shut and feel comfortable doing so. If I were to think about it; I might go further and say it is the first time ever that I sat and did my bible study with anyone. This is my quiet time, my space, my time with the Lord and yet he invaded my space with such peace and grace it could have been the Lord that came in and sat down to be with me as I studied. Amazing!

Eddie took Elijah and Colby fishing and let Elijah ride the four wheeler. Colby rode in the ranger with him. I did not get one photo of those scenes and I regret it deeply. Eddie said Colby caught the first fish but it got off before he could drag it to bank. He got into some fire ants and they stung him on his foot and hand. This was alarming because he is so allergic to insect bites. However, he seems to have gotten doctored by his mom and has no lasting problems with his little encounter with the famous fire ant. They went a second time and both boys caught perch and were so very excited. Elijah will probably remember Eddie the most because he held him back and would not let him ride full speed across the pasture on the four wheeler. My always cautious with children husband just couldn’t set him free for fear he would get hurt. I actually thought about taking Elijah, while Eddie was gone to the dentist, and turning him loose and telling him to fly like the wind. That is the way I am wired. The thought came to me that I was to be submissive to my husband and if I did sure as shoot’en Elijah would end up turned over with something broken that might not be able to be fixed. So I squashed that little notion.

At breakfast the morning the ladies had their shopping day, Sharon was listening to me and ended up being late to meet the ladies at the church. I led her to the church the back road and we flew across the oil roads like birds in flight. However, I actually never broke the speed limit. Later I thought about the cup of coffee she had in her hand and wondered if in my good intentioned run, had caused her to spill it. She said she had not. Amazing!

I have to include this because it did really give a laugh to all involved even the poor guy that did the action. That morning Eddie had taken Brother Jimmy to meet the men to go over to TBI and be there by 7:00 am. He also took our grandson John to school and was to eat donuts with him until it was time to go to school then go on and pick up Owen to bring back to spend the day with us. Owen is the three year old son of Brent and Tawn Rosendal, another missionary couple.

About ten minutes to eight I saw the car drive up and rushed to the door to see what I already expected had happened. There was no three year old in the car. Eddie had forgotten Owen. So I jumped in the car and went back to get him as Eddie protested that he would go. We ended up having to borrow a booster seat from Bridget because never had it crossed my mind to go to the barn and retrieve Alex’s old car seat. The ladies had a good laugh and Owen and I came home.

Now Owen is a three year old going on twenty. He can hold an adult conversation while leaping and climbing over or on anything in sight. He wanted juice, he wanted crackers, he wanted colors and a paper………………..this little boy was a blaze of glory jumping around in our living room and the bedroom with the two boys. It took all three of us to contain him. Then he sat down and drew the picture I have to print a copy of. It is a submarine that I would think an eight year old maybe even a six year old might draw but certainly not a three year old.

He drew the picture and ate all the snacks while alone with me because Eddie had taken the boys to ride the four wheeler again. I was afraid to take my eyes off of him because the house was definitely not child proof. As one with much experience in this direction my eyes saw pills, quarters, and even reminded Owen he might break an arm as he swung from the top of Alex’s canopy bed frame. I love it! He is all boy. Then God gave me my reward. We sat down on the couch to watch “Little Bill” and he crawled up beside me as I put my arm around him and laid in the crevice of my arm as we watched the TV together in quiet peace. This was my moment.

And now to end my part of the story of our time with the missionary family God sent to stay in our home during the Mission Revival, I think the most amazing thing would be the fact that I was me, the real me and with all my faults and failures I still feel good about being me. God wired me this way, I am imperfect, I fall down and He picks me up. 

Our dog fell and hurt herself pretty badly. I will take her to the vet in a few minutes to see if her hip is dislocated or just a pinched nerve in her little back. Anyway, I did not handle myself in the way I would have liked and maybe even shamed my Lord with my mouth. I grabbed up the dog and went to find Eddie and I actually asked him had he kicked the dog? Now WHY? He was in the bathroom completely innocent. Then I left with the dog in my arms and walked in the dark down the road to Carol to help me fix my dog. I didn’t cry and go completely to pieces (well give one to the gipper for that), but I did hold it together while she examined and gave the dog pain medication and a steroid shot. Oh how I thank the Lord for our child that she is such a good RN. She wanted to be a vet and I wish she had been able to have reached that goal rather than marry at such a young age. But you know God has a plan and that was not in it. I left there carrying my dog home to find the doors were locked. Not too quietly nor with much calm, I blasted Eddie on why he had locked all the doors. I had gone to the back door first to find it locked and now to the front door to be let in by knocking on my own door. My emotions were shot and I let it out. To make it worse Jimmy and Elijah witnessed my out burst. So when I tell you they have seen me in all my ways let me tell you they have seen me.

This has been the best experience of my life and I have learned so much from the lives of these precious people. I would not trade these past few days for anything.