There is Joy in the morning

This morning I left the doctors office to head for the pharmacy to pick up a prescription and then on to the grocery store.  Feeling lousy and standing in line to check out I stood watching people come and leave.  As I watched a man caught my eye because I recognized him.  He reminded me of another man I knew and I wondered if I had not heard where somewhere down the line they were actually related.  As I pondered this thought his wife came up and he took her arm.

I wanted to come home and draw a picture of what I saw, but my earlier attempt at drawing was really not well and I recall the Psalmist could draw a picture with words so beautifully in my lesson this morning (Psalm 139:1-10).  So I decided to write my story as it happened and draw a word picture as it appeared in my mind.

The man stood tall and straight with a strength still remaining in his face of a time long ago passed.  The woman was whose hair was not totally gray although not all one shade and was cut short over the ears.  She slightly bent over her cane and took his arm as they slowly left the store followed by the clerk with their basket of groceries.  I don't really recall the clerk and basket, however I presume since they carried nothing in their arms that this was the case.  I could see nothing but the couple or get past the rush of emotion that grabbed my heart and threatened to cause tears to fall from my eyes.  You see, I remember this lady when she walked with her body straight as an arrow like a willow tree that the wind could blow back and forth to only once again stand tall. She was my teacher many years ago.  She taught me the beauty of life through painting and at the same time showed me the glory of the Lord in small glimpses of herself and her paintings.  She was full of life and her smile drew us in and caused us to want to take that paint brush and produce what we could not because she truly had the hand of the master.  Yet she would give us encouragement and hope and always tell us we could do as well even though she seemed to see hers as not the best either.

As they departed and left the store another thought quickly entered my mind.  "Robin!"  look what you missed by being taken so young.  Look what we watch and see.  And I asked myself the question, "why did we grieve so when you left?  I thought of all the things she missed by having the privilege of going home early.  She was prepared.  And for one small second I had a pity party and began to remember what she had missed and also wondered what those who have known me all my life now see?  I thought I want to get out of here while I still stand straight and tall which was foolish as well as prideful.  None of us should want to get out of here before the Lord is ready for us because we might miss the greatest opportunity of all to do something that would honor him as he so richly deserved to be honored.

I came home my mind filled with words that I wanted to get written down but a picture I wanted to draw to go with my story.  My sleepy husband awaken from his usual noon nap smiled and asked me what the doctor said and from there I began to empty my heart to him about my story.

As I described the scene and told the story another thought entered my head.  Carol once said how can you sit and watch the death of a leaf and call it beautiful.  She said it in fun but the real thought began to pour out like the tears that now filled and tumbled from my eyes as I related to my husband these thoughts.  "We think it is sad to watch the bodies grow old and die, but to our Christ it is beautiful.  He sees all the beauty of the colors and the different shapes and gladly brings them into his presence, because He knows they will die and then once again come alive to be all shades of green and new growth.  A born again leaf, Wow what an image!  How the concept changed my heart of sorrow to one of Joy.

I hope when my children and friends watch me as I crumble and fall in age and my body begins to decay that they will see a tree covered in beautiful shades of yellow, green, red and browns with all colors in between; they will know it is just a few seconds in time and I will go home to be born once more with all the youth, vitality and vigor I ever experienced as a child and more.  I will be with my Savior and run through heaven and when I bend on my knees to worship him my body will allow it, when I see His face I will see it clearly without the curse of glasses, when I place my hand in his I will feel it and the rapture will be untold in my heart.  He will see it, hear it, feel it, and I will know He does.

And Robin, from now on mama will only see a beautiful tree with all shades of green that was reborn in the presence of God.  And I will remember the tree that the leaves died so early bore beautiful leaves of red, greens, yellows and browns and what a beautiful memory left behind for all of those you loved.

Today a New Beginning of an old Life

Oh! The difference in the conviction of the Holy Spirit rather than the conviction of one’s conscience; it is profound!

   This morning I am not asking myself what did life make our children believe by those others around them, rather I am asking myself how did I present God to my children with my belief system?   I am not asking what did I do or what could I have done differently to influence our children?  Rather I am asking myself what I believed while I was given the responsibility and privilege of rearing three precious little souls.  Even more so, what do I believe today?

   Do I believe God or do I just think I do?  Yes, I believe He exists, yes I believe he is all knowing, all powerful and ever present.  I believe he in his mercy called to me, convicted me of my lost condition, and marvelously, wonderfully saved my soul and that I will live with him in eternity.  That I can nail down and hold on until I take my last breath.  The things that convict me are do I believe in prayer?  Do I really believe or do I put a clause in there, a loop hole, “if it is His will.” Do I teach my grandchildren and present by my life to my children and those around me a hope so, maybe so prayer life.  Most importantly do I believe in a hope so, maybe so life?  Did God really mean it when he said in Jeremiah 29:11-13?

   ¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. ¹² Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. ¹³ And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

  When I pray for someone that is sick, do I believe God for their healing?  Do I hope He will heal?  Why can I not believe He will heal and then let the remainder belong to God and leave it with Him?  Why do I bother to pray?  Why not just say, “God here is the prayer list, Do your will.”  Did God simply put Matthew 7:7-11 in scripture to trick us?

   ⁷ Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: ⁸ For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. ⁹ Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? ¹¹ If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

   I wonder if it is just possible the real reason my prayer life stinks, my belief system stinks, my living for God each day stinks, my victory in overcoming self, stinks;  just might be because my belief system stinks?  What fragrance enters the nostrils of God when I pray?  In one of the studies my mind and heart were impressed with something pertaining to fragrance, and that was when we leave a room that we leave a sweet smelling fragrance reaching up to the Father and to those who come in behind us.  For that reason, I always clean a motel room and leave it in order so that the maids will know there was someone who would show them respect and leave a sweet fragrance rather than disorder and a bad odor of uncleanliness  behind.  That may seem an honorable thing but today I am asking what fragrance or order, what belief system am I leaving behind for all to smell and see?

   What I lack and have always lacked in life has certainly not been my “WANT TO.”  I want to serve God, I want to be a difference in this world for God, I want to do great and marvelous things for God, I want to please God.  My want to is in full gear, it is that small tiny word that in reality is the biggest word in all of God’s word, “FAITH. “

   Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  As in “Anne of Green Gables, “ it is a new slate with no mistakes on it.  I cannot fix yesterday, not even this morning but I can reach up to God with my hands, with my whole heart, and ask, “God help thou my unbelief.”  I can pray and begin this very moment to do all in my power to believe in the scriptures, 2 Timothy 1:7-9

   ⁷ For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. ⁸ Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God; ⁹ Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began,

   Thank you Lord for mercies that are fresh and new every morning.  Lamentations 3:19-26

¹⁹Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall. ²⁰ My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me. ²¹ This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. ²² It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. ²³ They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. ²⁴ The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. ²⁵ The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. ²⁶ It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.

The Anniversary

50TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY - AUGUST 25, 2012 - SILVERTON, COLORADO

 

Most couples that we know have a party either given by their children or a project given by both the couple as well as their children.  Eddie and I did not want the status quo, therefore we planned a trip to ride the trails in Silverton, Colorado.  What more could want to clap their hands and sing sweet songs of happiness than trees rustling in the wind, mountains reaching to the sky, or the sound of the water rippling along the cliffs and banks of the river. God's creation was in any direction one chose to look.  There were no cards of congratulations, no frills only the two of us together that knew the road that brought us this far and the driver that guided us along that road.  We give unconditional praise to the Lord for all we have, all we are, where we have been and where he has brought us from.  He alone deserves the credit and praise that on this day we stood together in a loving embrace thanking him for his mercy and grace that we were here.

Sadness comes over me when I think that the ones we would have shared our joy would not have been able to come had we celebrated in a party at home.  You see half of them are already home with the Lord.  One left the day we set out on our journey to Silverton.  I hope our children will not feel cheated, but when they reach their special day then I want the same for them.  Just to be together where you both want to be to remember where you began. It may seem selfish but it was my gift to my husband who never wants to be in the lime light anywhere.

We had our friends the Flannigns to ride the trails with and share the joy of the beauty of Silverton.  They went home and left us on our special day and we explored the river, climbed the mountain and crossed the creek to get there.  Eddie carved our names and the date of our wedding on a tree among some other names previously carved.  We attempted to dance in the back of our horse trailer turned into camper to the strands of "May I have this dance for the rest of my life," by Anne Murray.  It is our song.  Although neither of us can dance we tried just because I had mentioned one time earlier in the year that I wanted to have an anniversary dance just the two of us.  Awkward as it was it will always be a special memory in my life because Eddie chose to make the memory for me.  I thought he was reading his bible on his computer until I heard the music.  

It was a special memory and I hope we will be able to share many more.  Next year maybe we will let the kids come celebrate with us.....