The other day I shared something personal with a friend and
I told her, “I don’t just decide to write these things down. Something triggers
my mind and touches my heart and I go to the computer and type them down. Usually
I feel I want to share them with (most of the time, anybody, everybody) because
I think if I share with them it might be just the thing they needed for someone
to say.
I remember a friend, no an acquaintance on FB, her name was
Lillian Harrison. She has gone to be
with the Lord now and I thought about my short relationship with her through
posts on FB and playing Farm Town. I
cannot believe I ever found time to play that game but I did enjoy it while I
played and I feel it had a purpose. That
purpose being I met many people I would have never met and made them friends on
FB. Some have touched my life so deeply
it amazes me that complete strangers can have that affect.
What I recall about Lillian Harrison is that she shared her
sorrows, her joys and her fears and was able to do it with such short
posts. I will always remember her for
having the same name as me but also for having a tiny bit of similar nature to
mine. We never made a close relationship
just two ships that passed through the water on Face Book.
My thoughts this morning have been bursting at the
seams. I need people, I love people and
I want to be loved by people. It is that
simple. I do feel I have a purpose in
this life and my regret is that I was such a late bloomer in being able to
completely give myself to fulfilling that purpose. Each of us have this same purpose, it was
what we were born for. Glorify God. This morning I read a verse in John where
Jesus was referring to himself and His father and the first part of His
statement seemed to glare from the page at me.
“He that speaketh of himself, seeketh his own glory.” John 7:18.
I am so very thankful that God is the discerner of our
hearts and our motives. I must confess
to you that I went to Him in prayer and asked that He would prevent me from
crossing that fine line. I want to be a
witness for Him and not an actress on a stage begging the crowd to look and
applaud for me.
If I am gone tomorrow, I want to be remembered for sharing
my life, my relationships with people, my love for people, and my God with all
who would see fit to read or listen, but I don’t want to be remembered for
having been a seeker of self-satisfaction.
I have needs to be loved and accepted and boy can I ever rebel at being
rejected. You see this is the way I am
wired. I am outgoing, I speak before I
think, I love passionately, I too many times want to fix things because I feel
my way is the only way to fix them and I have come to realize that is a lie
straight from hell and I fight it every day of my life, because it is my sin
nature.
I am quick to judge, fairly quick to be angry, really quick
to be frustrated and act in anger, and quick to forgive as well. I have spent a lot of time studying my faults
and I have found false pride to be right there on the top of the list, as I am
confessing my faults. God has a list of
things He hates and that is on the top of His list. I bow my face to the ground in shame for this
one and realize this is where we must take up our cross daily and follow Him.
I read the posts and see the posters and wish they would
just share themselves with me and this morning I realized, they did. The posters and posts are what appeals to
their nature. It is what shows their
needs and if I would just study them I could see that person and what they feel
and know if or how I must respond.
Everyone cannot be willing to share their thoughts all the time.
I deleted a friend, an acquaintance, that I had really
enjoyed some of her posts. I have been
asking myself, since then, what was my real motive. Did I do it because others would see my
newsfeed and think that I admired or condoned those posts? I told myself, I have no influence over her
to change her and again this morning, it came to me. “You never had any chance to influence her in
the first place.” Oh! When will I be
able to see the difference in being loyal to the Lord and what He has taught me
as truth and righteousness and judging another’s heart.” And realizing that only God convicts hearts
of right and wrong.
Where is the fine line from having posts fly in the face of
God and my loyalty to Him and keeping my eyes from watching or seeing things I
know I am not to see or watch, begin and end?
How are we to be in the world but not part of the world? How can Jesus show Himself through us to
others if we delete them?
I do not respond to so many posts now because I know that it
is the Lord that must speak and correct and not me. I just have to worry about me and what I say
and what message I send. I cannot answer
for another and thank God that He does not hold me accountable to anyone other
than me, because that is more than I can handle anyway.
How can I trust in God if I do not believe every word He
gave to me in the Old and New Testament as fact and truth? I already know I can
never fully understand all that is recorded in the Word of God. However, I want to study and when He sees fit
He will make me understand what I am to know.
He is the potter and I am the clay and He is God and there is none other
like Him, and He can do what He wants to because He is the creator, Savior and
Almighty God. He is sovereign and that
is all I am to understand and believe and trust in. The older I get the more questions I have,
but one thing I believe with all my heart and soul is the fact God is love, God
is Just, God is Truth, and God is the way and there is no other way. And when I get to heaven I will understand it
all and will be justified because I chose to believe and trust in the one that
saved me from my sin and His righteousness will be all that counts. Hallelujah…….
