Family

                              A Dysfunctional Family versus a Traditional Family

I believe history proves both types of family have failures as well as victories.

My earliest recollection was vague but I was two and my grandfather had come to take me home from Camden, New Jersey on a train.  My memory is of a loud noise when two trains passed close to one another.  I had dreams of the incident but that is total recall.  All he ever revealed of the trip was train and some nice lady took me to the restroom for him.

The next thing was I was five and mama was sitting on the porch in front of our house and called me to sit on her lap and asked if I would like to have a new daddy.  You see my parents divorced and that was why I was coming home with my grandfather.

With all divorce come consequences and most of the time the children bear the brunt.  Kids would ask me, why my last name was different from my parents.  Later my boy friends father told him he needed to not date me because I came from a home where my parents were divorced.  Today a kid might laugh at that but back then divorce was not common as drinking water.  It was looked at for what it is, a disgrace and people did it as a last resort.

The Bible says when two are married they become one.  When they divorce they become half.  (my view). And then the scripture states a house divided against itself cannot stand.

My family was halved.  One half never existed for me.  My mother, grandfather, grandmother, and great grandmother were the family until age 5 then my step father made 6 and later my sister made 7 of the original family.

We had no Aunts and Uncles since my mother was an only child.  So we had great Aunts and great Uncles on my grandmothers’ side and my grandfathers’ side.  Granddaddy had one living sister and brother.  The sister never married and the brother had a wife and 3 girls.  Granny had two brothers and one sister (who had one son the same age as my mother).  One brother was a bachelor and the other had two daughters.  So those were the extensions of family we grew up with.  My sister was 7 years difference in age which along with her shyness and my forwardness certainly made for a mix. 

However, we were all family and my stepfather’s family lived in Idaho.  A large family we were able to see 3 times in our life time. 

Remember I told my family was cut in half then another half was grafted in.  So now we are a whole family, not original but somewhat whole.  However, my grandmother came from a traditional family remained a traditional family but then one day an argument arose and her bachelor brother who had loaned her and mama some quilting frames made some remark about her not bringing them back and granny got mad.  She and mama loaded them in the back of the truck and we took them to his house.  He was a Scott with their family nature and he threw them back in the truck and said he never meant for her to bring them home early.  Unfortunately they hit my leg and another family was divided.  This time it was the children.  My grandmother did make one attempt to resolve the division but by now his pride was so involved and perhaps his age and he died separated.  Such a waste!

Eddie and I reared our family with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and we embraced them all.  We were a traditional family and I vowed never to have my family divided.  I saw the mistakes and said never will those happen to me.  I made my husband first and my children were first right after him.  This will work I said.  They will all have unconditional love.

Eddie came from a traditional family and for him it was all roses and his family all close.  After the children were grown that family had divisions, but his mother had a family of 8 siblings.  One sibling remains.  He will be 100 years old September 28, 2015.  All the children held each other in high esteem and remained close friends always together until death did they part.  However, divorce halved a couple of them also.  It isn’t a respecter of persons.

So here we see no matter traditional or dysfunctional there are always failures and victories.  The sadness come when we are a part of a divided family whether husband and wife or sister and brother or brother and brother.  It is painful and that sin will pass down from generation to generation just as prophesied.  And the road in which those on the journey will be strewed with pieces of broken hearts until one stands again and says I will not let this happen in my family yet perhaps she forgot to put it in the hearts of her children so that when they grew up they would realize family is the hub that holds the spokes that turns the wheel.  Then she with all her determination finds she lies on the road with all the other broken hearts. 

Don’t be that person.  Teach your children the importance of family and unconditional love.  I thought I had.

Romans 12:18 If, it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Granny

 Permelia Ruth Gravitt  September 6, 1893 - July 25, 1976

 

So many things misplaced that could indeed be lost forever.  One day will the kids or grand-kids rifle through our belongings and find the old 1890 dated corn bread pan that made little corn shaped sticks of cornbread for our table?  The bold made of crockery had a blue and maybe coral colored stripe around the vanilla colored bowl about three inches from the top edge.  And I am still searching for the photo of granny at the Brazos river one cold morning as she stood in the camp with an old full length wool coat unbuttoned all the way down the front as the wind tossed her hair while she stood with her hand on her chin deep in thought.  I know she was trying to remember where she put something.

I did manage to find the things of hers that I took in the photo.  Many a jar was filled while canning with that funnel.  The old knife cut small slits in a hunk of salt pork to go in pinto, navy, butter beans or mustard greens.  In the bowl I haven't found would have flour and ingredients for biscuits she made every morning for granddaddy, mama, Maw and me.  I can smell the buttermilk as she pours it into the mixture and stirs to put on a floured board to roll out and cuts the biscuits with the little biscuit cutter. 

Her house was always clean and neat as Pine sol permeated the air.  Every morning her bed was freshly made and #1 rule was do not sit on my bedspread.  Across from the bed stood the old dresser, two drawers on each side with a partition in the middle that held a glass shelf in front of the attached huge round mirror.  On that shelf were the four items, glass replica of a B52 bomber, carnival glass vase, and the red and green vases.  #2 rule was do not touch items on the dresser unless she was watching and then very carefully.

#3 rule never pilfer in her purse, Never. 

It was natural to see her sit bare footed at the end of the day as she kicked off her shoes and pulled out her big black bible to sit and read a spell.  granny was never a big talker and I don't recall her ever trying to teach me from her bible, but I bet she did. I think it was difficult enough for her to learn herself.  She took care of me, the house, and Maw while granddaddy worked at his job as Janitor of the school and mama worked at Williams and Dickeys sewing factory  making kaki shirts and pants that still sell today in the stores.

In front of the house pictured is where I lived for the first seven years of my life.  One morning there was a small flat bed trailer parked out front.  A little boy from down the street and me were playing cowboys and Indians underneath, he next to one wheel and me up front looking back at him, when that door flew open and granny stood their shaking that pine sol pop filled with dirt and yes she did raise her voice, "Lillian Marie! you get yourself out from under that trailer and into this house right this minute."  I was five years old.

Until now I have always had a very strong sense of smell which may be one reason my memories are tied to the smell of her kitchen.  There was rarely a day when the steam of a pot of beans would not fill the house as the oven put out the sweet smell of fresh corn bread sticks being baked or my most favorite meal time which was breakfast.  There would be bacon frying, while buttermilk biscuits baked and fried eggs.  The aroma of coffee being perked on the stove.  Today our coffeemakers rob us of that pleasure.  I would stand and watch the liquid turn brown as it jumped up into the glass ball on top of the tin coffee pot.  We had butter and apricot jell on those biscuits but granddaddy and maw always had molasses on theirs.

mama remarried Marcus Dibben on my sixth birthday.  They moved to an apartment and I remained to go to the first grade and did not join them until school was out that year.  I left them an everlasting memory when I came home with the measles.  Granny banned me to bed in a darkened room and worse than that would not let me see the Sunday funny paper.  You see, measles could permanently hurt hour eyes she said.  Now I loved my granny and I promise I didn't do it on purpose but I caught the mumps and shared them with her.  She suffered so badly with those mumps.  I imagine being 57 years old and having the mumps was a real challenge.

affection was not demonstrated openly in our family.  Love was but not the hugs and kisses very plentiful.  One day after I was grown and married with three children, for some reason as we walked side by side granny reached her arm around my shoulders with a brief embrace. It happened so quickly I had to think hard if it really happened.  She made ma a little dress from a flour sack after she finally used it all up.  Now who needs hugs when somebody loves you enough to do that?

One particular day mama and me went to visit and under the cake cover was a yellow cake.  We could always depend on a chocolate cake being there but this time we were disappointed.  Her remark, "well, I have to cook for granddaddy once in a while!:  So we ate yellow cake.

Times were hard in those early years and granny was my banker and my teacher.  She knew how to handle money and she knew how to be certain she kept it.  We got paid once a month so about two weeks into the month I had over spent our salary and would ask her for a loan.  She would loan me $20.00 till pay day.  Pay day came and back into her had went the borrowed $20.  I don't know how long that went on, but I do know it was what taught me to budget our money.  never did she give me the $20, it was always repaid on time.  It was the best thing she could ever have taught a young mother of two at the time.

Another thing granny taught me was to take care of things.  When she passed away I got the old Coleman stove that we had took camping for all those years and inside the old card board box pretty ragged by this time, but neatly tied with a small cord.  It still shone like almost new.  I got quilts that she and mama had made.  They were not soiled nor torn but just aged.  She knew how to care for the things she held dear, like me and our little family.

Granny had a stroke as she was walking to the front door of the house carrying a carton of eggs. When we pulled away to go to the hospital where my mothers husband was in serious condition, mama looked in the rear view mirror to see granny slowly fall to the porch. Mama had remarried after my step father died and moved from our family home, which we purchased and therefore we took granny and granddaddy into our home for two years.  Granny was paralyzed completely on her right side.  Our children shared one bedroom and they had the other spare room.  Those were hard times yet times of lessons well learned. 

She was always such a modest person and as I grew up many times I saw her hide behind the closet door to dress in her gown for the night.  I recall picking her up and carrying her covered with a towel to the bath tub from her bed and lowering her into a tub of warm water.  I told her, "look into my eyes Granny, I promise not to look at you." We made eye contact as I washed her body and afterwards let the water drain and covered her with a fresh towel my eyes never leaving hers.  The sweetest thing I believe I ever gave to my grandmother was not anything money could buy....her dignity.

She became unstable with her breathing and we ended up having to let her spend the remainder of her life in a skilled care facility.  I couldn't give her what was required and she lived six months more. 

I remember in detail the hospital stay that day as her life came to a close.  We had all gone into see her and as we left she called out in a clear concise, no words slurred voice for the first time since her stroke, and said, "Nute will you pull up my covers, I'm cold."  As I watched the eyes previously a cloudy blue shone like blue ice stones with a light shining  through them.  It took my breath away.  One would never forget those beautiful eyes as she watched him come to cover her.  We went back to the waiting room and the doctor came out and said she is going now.  I asked if we could go back and he said only if we could stay controlled and quiet.  As we stood by her bed the monitor sounded the heart beat that got weaker till the quiet scream as the line went straight and the chest did not raise again.  There was no sound in the room.  Only sweet silent peace.

Elijah

This morning I went on a journey with Elijah based on 1 Kings 18-19.

I had read a verse pertaining to my original study with Beth Moore in James and began this journey of my own.  As I began to read, I caught a glimpse of God's character.  Reminds me of the post my daughter made on FB.  "This morning as I was driving to work I caught a glimpse of a gorgeous rainbow and I kept craning my head trying to see around the trees that were blocking it as I drove..then me with my kind of mindset got to thinking is that what God does...he shows a glimpse of the beautiful and then it's up to us to keep looking at him to see the truth?? Just my thoughts."  Excellent thoughts in my opinion.

As I continue with my original thoughts of the character of God, back we go with Elijah.  I began my journal with another person's idea in BTS Sunday night of what causes anxiety.  Not having control, losing ones control, or not trusting the one in control= Anxiety.  Little pearls of wisdom.

1 Kings 18:21 And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye between two opinions? if the LORD be God, follow him: but if Baal, then follow him. And the people answered him not a word.

People who speak loudly, continuously and always with an opinion then when the rubber meets the road we stand and don't say a word??  I cannot imagine.

"How long wilt thou halt between two opinions?"  Ah! show me by sight not faith and I will believe and make my choice.  As I read the scriptures following I began to form a picture of God in my mind.  So I am going to paraphrase what I have read.

Elijah tells the people that he alone is the last prophet of God but Baal has 400 prophets.  As with Joshua he tells them choose today whom you will serve.  Then he shows who the God of Israel is by asking God to show His glory.  And God does.  he not only consumes the sacrifice, but the wood, water and and even the dust as he brings down fire to consume it all.  Notice God doesn't half do anything.

So the wavering people fell on their faces and believed.  Not by faith but by sight.  Don't we all do the same thing too many times?  Yes we do.  Elijah told them to go gather up all 400 prophets and kill them.  Why he took them to the brook Kishon to do it I don't know unless that was where they trapped them.  Anyway Elijah told Ahab to get up and eat because a big rain was coming.  As I went back to the first verses of chapter 18, I found Ahab was not the friend of Elijah but was responsible for killing all the other prophets. 

Meanwhile Elijah went up to the top of Mt. Carmel and threw himself on the ground and put his face between his knees.  He sent his servant to go look for that rain seven different times.  Then he came back and said he saw a small fist.  At this remark, Elijah told him to go tell Ahab to prepare his chariot before the rain could stop him.  Then the storm came as Ahab headed for Jezreel.

For some reason God empowered Elijah to out run that chariot and beat Ahab to Jezereel.  He beat Ahab there to the entrance.

Chapter 19 verse 1,2. And Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done, and withal how he had slain all the prophets with the sword. ² Then Jezebel sent a messenger unto Elijah, saying, So let the gods do to me, and more also, if I make not thy life as the life of one of them by to morrow about this time.

So Elijah pulled up his skirt and ran for his life to Beer-Sheba, left his servant there and traveled on a days journey into the wilderness and once again plops on the ground, this time under a Juniper tree. 

"and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers."  I think we must notice the capital spelling of Lord.  We may miss a point if we do not.LORD is traditionally an applllation for a person or deity who has authority, control, or power over others, a master, chief.  Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.  In the bible it is translated in caps becaue it has a different meaning than the regular spelling Lord.  Elijah called to the LORD because he recognized who was all powerful and the master.

 

My first thought was Elijah how do you sit there and question God after what he has just done through you.  I think I missed the point as we continue.  Notice he just laid down and went to sleep. When your contemplating dying do you just turn over and go to sleep?  Not me.  I play that record in my head all night long until I fall to sleep from exhustion.

 

Here is where I saw God as my Father and my strong hold, my peace.  chapter 19:5-8

And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat. ⁶ And he looked, and, behold, there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head . And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again. ⁷ And the angel of the LORD came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee. ⁸ And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights unto Horeb the mount of God.

 

And once again on two days food God gives him strength for 40 days and 40 nights.  Our God is not only faithful, full of grace and mercy but just full of mariaclous things for us. Keep in mind scripture says Ahab ate after the big fire but Elijah went up on the mount waiting for the rain.  Then he ran all the way to Jezereel beating a chariot to go on to Beer-Sheba ditch his servant and walk another days journey into the wilderness where the angels fed him two meals.  As far as we know in the past three days while running and walking all day long he has not eaten.  He is a God of mariacles and He does give us strength to perform His will.

 

He journeys on to Mt. Horeb and gets in a cave. "and lodged there; and, behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and he said unto him, What doest thou here, Elijah?"  And he tells the LORD,

"I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away. ¹¹ And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: ¹² And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. ¹³ And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah? ¹⁴ And he said, I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts: because the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away. ¹⁵ And the LORD said unto him, Go"

 

I didn't want to paraphrase that because it is important to see the Word in it's glory.  I cannot do justice to God's word.  I noticed he gave his answer twice and God asked twice.  Each time Elijah remains speaking to the LORD.  I pictured Elijah huddled in that cave repenting for complaining to the Lord but afterwards I see the relationship between he and God.  He simply tells his feelings to God and I also noticed God came to him after in obedience he followed God's directions even though he was running for his life.  I thought of the song, "The day God ran."  The thought occurred to me why would the Holy God run to me?  That is just a song some man made up and I don't remember God ever running to anyone.  Who is to say God didn't run to that cave?  Different day, different prospective, different spirti makes a world of difference in our thought patterns.  Now I see God putting his arm around Elijah's shoulders and saying in that still small voice "Go" Elijah.  You got it now.  And Elijah went.  He came running from Jezebel, watched the storm and the earthquake then heard the still small voice of the Lord and went with the promise of 7000 men that had not bowed to Baal and to annoint the prophet that would take his place.  In deed our God is an awesome God and when He says be still and know that I am God.  We best be still and just maybe we will see God run.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Come Grow Old With Me

Come grow old with me the best is yet to be.

When you look at me what is it that you see?

The greying of my hair?  The bend in my back or the shape that has lost it's balance and buldges here it used to be there.

Your words sound so strong but when they get to me my ears catch only a word as the rest seem to flee.  These old eyes that once were so sharp now see something in the road even when it is not dark.  Is it a dog, a squirrel or a tree?  No it is only a garbage can or mail box three to fool me.

I can't run with you and hold you on your bike where you want so bad to take flight and I can't climb high hills for all that you could see.  You see while your looking back and watching me I know just what I think you might see.

But wait let me tell you who and what are inside of me.  A young girl full of life and words that want to be set free.  Words of wisdom not of my own but given to me through many years now gone.  They live and teach and correct me all the time because you see someone lives in me that is divine.  He's true, He's strong as powerful as can be and it is Him I want you to see when you look at me.

I want to share with you the gift of life that keeps me young inside and wants to send out His light, so when you see these eyes grown dim look for the shine when I smile and feel the strength within.

I've been young and now I'm old but if you will listen there is a story to be told.  Over two thouseand years ago one was born in a manger who grew and lived just like you and me, but He was different both God and man was He.  He grew and began His ministry at the age 33 and for 3 years He taught about His Father, life and eternity.  He is the Way, the Truth and the Life and he wants to abide in us today.  He had to die on a cross that man could be set free.

He paid it all just for me.  All we do is believe, repent, ask and it's done, but the race has only just begun.  We must take up our cross and folow Him and then, the journey begins.  We love, obey and keep His commands, we totally willingly place our lives in His hands.  The more we learn in His precious word the more we die to self and learn lessons unheard.  And when we grow old and our end is near, we walk together and there is no fear.  We have learned to trust and know He is always near.  Now we are just one step nearer home and one day He will reach out His hand and take mine and I'll step out of this body and leave it behind.  Until that day when he comes to earth again and on His way ressurects those bodys decayed to be once again with the spirit He gave to be totally whole, raised from the grave, and He will take us away to forever be with Him, Oh! what a day that will be.

I came across this in my journal.  I know I had these feelings but to be honest I am not certain that I wrote all of it.  I know I wrote a story that some day I hoped my grandchildren would see but I am not certain I wrote the last two paragraphs or copied it.  For me it would be very unusual that I would not have written copied and where I got it from.  So this is either something that was actually divinely inspired and given to me or written by someone else that He inspired.  Either way it is exactly how I feel inside and I wanted to share.