August 25, 2007

Today I wanted to say Happy Anniversary to my husband whom is in Columbia, South America.

Mr. Johnson is baling our hay and will leave by 4 PM in order to go home to be with his granddaughter while she celebrates her birthday. I pray Tim is right and the rain will hold off until he gets back tomorrow to finish baling.

I wanted to jot down some Alex stories.

She was walking across the floor while ago with a little basket full of her toy horses and doll house stuff and she accidentally dropped out two of her little horses. Immediately she says, "that was not suppose to happen." Where does a barely 4 year old think up these things? This morning she wanted me to drop what I was doing and fix her breakfast. I told her I would be through with my study in just a minute. She said, ?I can't watch TV anymore, my legs are going to drop off if you don't get fix my breakfast, Now!

We were at Brach's eating the other evening and she was going a mile a minute about something with all the hand gyrations and I suppose a blank look crossed my face with so many words continually firing my way. So she puts up her hands palm up, and said, "What do you think about it?" needless to say I lost it and Eddie and I laughed till my sides hurt.

She loves to ask, "Do you want a hug?" "Think about it." she pauses and when I pretend to be deep in thought, she will eagerly wait for me to say yes. She will giggle and give me a big hug and from there it goes to kisses and do you love me's. She also will ask why do I love her. "Do you love me more than anything?" And I will say more than anything in the whole world and she eats it up.

She came in the other morning and I only had my pajama top on and she said where are your ER pants? Again, she never misses anything. She loves to ride the four wheeler and when Sandy runs along side she will laugh the sweetest laughter anyone ever heard all the way down the pasture as long as the dog runs.

Eddie takes her to the creek and she will play for hours but she is never quite satisfied unless we are both there with her together. I personally thinks she feels she needs more of an audience. She is a drama queen. She can cry at the drop of a hat and quit as suddenly as she began with real tears running down her cheeks. She will dance the instant she hears a beat. We say she will be a pole dancer because she will hold onto the chair and do her little dance. She has danced since she could walk. Eddie has video after video of her doing her thing. I pray she will dance for Jesus and that is what I tell her all the time. I want her to love Jesus and dance only for him.

That thought reminded me of the first time Alex ever sang a song or at least part of the song. Ramona had bought a cd of children's bible songs for her Christmas present. And the words are Behold, Behold, I stand at the door and knock, knock, knock. repeat, if anyone hear my voice, if anyone hear my voice, I will open, open, open the door and let him in. She had the most beautiful perfect high pitch voice and only four years old. It was truly a beautiful moment when she sang from the back seat of our car.

Well she does things all the time and amazes all of us. I do recall the other morning when she asked, "Are you happy MeeMaw?" Funny little girl. The love of our life.

What will our legacy be?

I absolutely love to have the moments when the Lord says to my heart, "Write it down."  Especially steps that help me to do something.
      1. Acknowledge a need of direction in my life.
      2. Continue to pray daily and study His Word.
      3. Ask Him to help me recognize His answers
      4. Ask for confirmation if I have any doubt.
Suggestion:  Journal to see the progress that takes place as you pray and prayers are answered.

I had began to write in ink and changed to pencil because I couldn't rub out the mistakes and the thought came I sure wish my life were written in pencil so I could erase the mistakes.

I need direction right now in my desire to reach out and mentor some young girls in our youth group and utilize Face Book as a tool to challenge, encourage and share what God does in my life that could light up some dark corner in theirs.

I want to seek the Lord's presence and His timing and restrain myself to not run ahead of Him.  O Lord this is my prayer.  I believe numbers 3 and 4 will come during my study times with the Lord and His Word.

This morning's study David Seeking a Heart Like His, by Beth Moore

In reading the scriptures in order to fill in the blanks of a question in my study caused many questions to enter my mind and I became enthralled with the revelation I was given.

Genesis 18:1-15 (Mamre is in Hebron) God spoke to Abram through three visitors and told him Sarah would have a son.  This was the blank I was to fill.

I read the entire chapter and at first verse one did not catch my attention, but after reading the 15 verses it occurred to me; Abraham is sitting in the tent door in the heat of the day and these three men come up in the yard and when he sees them he runs (not walk) runs to meet them.  He is old, it is hot, these are strangers.

He not only calls himself their servant, he asks to wash their feet and get them bread to eat.  When they agree he goes out and kills a calf dressed it and brought bread and butter as he prepared it for them to eat.  Hey! he didn't jump in the car and run to the BBQ place and bring home take out, or have servants cook it up and serve it on a grill.  The bible states he killed the calf and gave it to a young boy that dressed it for him and he asked Sarah to cook the bread.  Then he took the food and served it to them under the tree out in the front yard.  I noticed the bible said they stood and ate. 

It was after they asked where Sara was and told Abraham (then the bible changes from they speaking  to "I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and lo Sarah thy wife shall have a son."  Then verse one hit me.  "The Lord appeared unto him in the plains of Mamre."  I was amazed at the heart of Abraham to be such a willing servant as a man of such high position.  Abraham was a rich man and had servants himself. Yet he ran and served these strangers.

And now it comes to me.  Abraham was in the presence of God, talking with God and his heart was aligned with God.  Then God blessed him with three strangers with a special message in human form.  God spoke to Abraham's heart while Abraham listened and obeyed, but God sent angels to appear in human form to deliver the message with audible words while they stood and ate food that was prepared by human hands.  Is that not God?  Talk about confirmation.  Such a joyous revelation and then the men rise to leave and the scene unfolds as they look toward Sodom.  There is a conversation going on.  I don't exactly understand who is speaking, but when the dust settles Abraham and the Lord are discussing the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah and Abraham is pleading for mercy to not destroy the city where his nephew Lot and his family are living.  God agrees to spare the city if there are 55 righteous men in the city and Abraham pleads until God agrees if there are ten righteous in the city he will not destroy it.

Where was the witness?  Where was the evangelism in Sodom and Gomorrah where Lot and his family lived?  Where was Lot's witness?  Where are we today?  Are we so centered on  ourselves and our immediate families that we are not a witness to the lost around us by the lives that we live?  Will it be that God cannot find ten righteous people in Minden?  In Mt. Enterprise?  What speaks to my heart is I best be walking the walk and talking the talk to everyone in my circle of influence and forget about my priorities and desires but be searching for God's priorities in my life what He wants.

Such a mystery that Lot lived in a city and it appears nobody was evangelized by his witness.  Is this the legacy we want to leave behind? 

Isn't it amazing!!!!

I never cease to amaze myself at my inability to "get it"!  You know you hear or read something or experience it for years and then one morning you sit down after awaking with prayer for God to fill you with His Holy Spirit and help you throughout the day to go sit down for your morning study and there you finally "get it"!  It doesn't matter that you have been told for years, suddenly you understand.

I can assure you that with me I can hear a hundred people tell me something or explain something but only when my God reveals it to me do I understand and sometimes I just reach out and slap myself up side the head and say, "you idiot."  That was what happened this morning. 

It began with a question, "Have you ever been angry at someone for not being as supportive as you would have liked?  Well of course the way I am wired my answer was a great big Yes!  Then the comment, If so, could it be that God wanted you to find strength in Him by yourself?  And next can you now forgive that person for not being there as you thought they should be?  Isn't it amazing how someone can ask questions and the light shines on the screen in vivid color and you finally get something that you never thought about before?  I certainly did.  My advice is don't walk to Jesus, Run!!!  I have experienced of late going to God and telling him my pain and troubles and trying my best to just let Him resolve it.  It was such a relief and a really good feeling when I seemingly had that victory.  And I do believe it was a partial one.  I never took it to anyone but slowly but surely I would let bits and pieces be said.  So to me that was not a full victory.  When I can take my hurt feelings or whatever it is I am dealing with and go to the Lord and leave it there and not tell another soul my feelings then I will know God has given me a complete victory.

My husband is the other half of me.  When God made us one I believe He made us one. There does not seem to be too many things that I cannot just burst out and confide in him even when it makes me show myself in a completely ugly light and that was what I did last night.  I just let it all out.  All those pent up horrible feelings that I would never want another person to know about.  It was ugly and I surely felt even worse for having voiced them out loud only I was seeking to know and understand why I felt that way, and for that reason, I believe God understood and let me be able to do it. Eddie did not see me as the way I felt  I was......bad to the bone.

For over four months now we have hashed and rehashed a problem which I have sought answers with tears and heart ache and much prayer.  The odd thing is my pastor and Eddie both have given me an opinion that I just could not seem to grasp.  This morning God revealed it to me and the tears that I have not been able to shed for days came and washed me as if being cleansed.  I don't know about anybody else but for me if I can just have a good cry it will relieve pressure like seemingly nothing else can.  And I have been like a pressure cooker building steam all week and just could not get any relief.  Oh! my God is Amazing and Faithful and Merciful and Long suffering.

God loves me and when I willfully sin and refuse to truly repent sin will separate me from Him.  He still loves me but a wall stands between me and His fellowship.  I built that wall.  He did not.  He doesn't crash through that wall and throw His arms around me and beg me to come back to Him.  He stands there with His arms open waiting for me to fall on my face and run back to Him.  I have been there many times and I have experienced this.  I know it as well as I know the back of my hand.

Why would I feel that I am better than God?  Or my way is better than His?  I don't but I definitely was acting like it.  I have feelings of disillusionment, anger, and just plain don't like someone and then GUILT.  As I analyze the situation, I don't like the person's attitude and actions but I dearly love the person.  I could not understand how I can just stand and not reach out and yet not make the person feel unloved.  It has been an ongoing issue.  I want to run rescue show affection and love, correct and fix the problem.  God doesn't.  He just remains there.....faithful, merciful, loving, long suffering and the instant "we get it" he forgives, and literally bathes us in His love and pours His mercy and blessings over us and heals our wounds and gives us blessed understanding. 

I think now I can begin to act and feel as God would have me to in this situation and leave that guilt somewhere else. Maybe in all situations but especially this one that has eaten me alive for months.  I am not judge and oh how I plead with God to help me not judge people.  I do love with a heart of God in that I am His child and His Spirit indwells me and gives me the ability to love.  And when the actions demand a break in fellowship for the good of that person that has chosen to build the wall, then I must simply love, pray and wait until they "get it."

Once again, "Lord please let me have the mind of Christ." And thank you for your faithfulness in answering prayers and giving strength that only you can give.  Thank you for loving me and showing me your power, mercy and faithfulness in my life.  Thank you Lord for being God and God alone and there is none other like you. 

Being in the right place and the right time

Today April 3, 2012 I tried to capture the photos and the Peacock did not cooperate, however I will try again.  You see not only must you be in the right place at the right time it helps if your fast enough to  get the picture you wish before the Peacock decides to cut and run.....

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Yesterday I was at the chicken pen gathering eggs and as I came out the door I saw the peacock in his pen and finally I was to see him in all his glory.  However, as I approached him it was his back that was all displayed, where the true colors are not revealed.  I was about to move down further in the pen to see if he might turn for me to see him from the front when I heard this sound like a gentle rustle of leaves.  I saw that below the white fan was what looked like fur standing out freshly brushed yet it was vibrating.  As I listened the sound increased and began to sound more like muffled sounds from the outside of closed doors at an auditorium where applause was taking place.

He would not turn and anxious to see I walked down further to see if I could somehow bend forward against the net wiring and get a glimpse of his face.  He had turned just enough that I saw the beautiful blue colors and then he turned and I saw his magnificent head with the feather standing at attention from the top of his head.  This is no ordinary sight.  It is one that must be seen in the right setting for it to really impress the onlooker.  It was sunset and everything was quiet, even the geese had stopped their usual chatter.  It was a moment frozen in time seemingly just for me.

Tonight our church presented the Easter cantata. And as the young girls and one young man took their places as the story began, I could not help but think with their beautiful production of the story, about being in the right place at the right time.  Someday when they, along with each member that had a part in the service, have a quiet time and they ask themselves Lord have I ever glorified you?  I wish someone would tell them, yes you did.  On April 1, 2012 when you stood on stage at Landmark Baptist Church, like that peacock you showed all the feathers vibrating and making those small rustling noises.

Then the choir began to sing and the sound resonated a little louder.  And as the story unfolded and the audience heard about Jesus and what He had done for that woman at the well and for you and me, it was as if the peacock turned to look full in the face of the audience and there arrayed in all of its glory was as if imprinted into each round blue place on those feathers were the faces of each of those choir members and the sound vibrated across the church and no longer did we see the choir or the actor an actresses all singing and playing their parts but we saw the Son of God, hanging on a cross for the sins of each of us and we watched as they took him down and laid him in the grave and the stone was rolled to seal it.  Later when the women came the stone was rolled away and the angels declared He is Risen! He is Risen! and they ran to tell the disciples.

As our pastor gave the invitation the scripture came to me, And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things! Romans 10:15

Tonight we were in the right place at the right time and my only sorrow is that we did not have a video so that I could put it on Face Book so those that did not make it would have another chance to see and experience the blessing God bestowed on all of us there.  And as our Brother Riley always says before he begins to lead singing in our services.  God is good all the time and all the time God is good.