A NEW BEGINNING

A NEW BEGINNING

Our little family was off to a new beginning in the piney woods of East Texas.  Several months have passed since we found out that Eddie would be transferred by request to Texas Utilities Mining Company as an assistant maintenance foreman.  His career that began as a meter reader for Texas Electric Company in Ft. Worth, Texas in 1963 and escalated to the title of trouble shooter now would take on an entirely different type of work.  I really never thought about how much courage this must have taken for my slightly introverted husband.  Here he would have to begin using his management skills which had not been sharpened since his completion of Junior College, which with three small children took several years to complete the one year needed to graduate.  Another entirely different account could be made at this time about the man I married in August of 1962.

I had come to East Texas to visit my dear friend of twenty five years who had moved due to her husband’s job in 1972.  Bob was moving back home to where he was born and reared and this was Ramona’s time to blaze the trail that I was destined to follow.  She came here knowing nobody other than a few of Bob's family members which she came to know later.  She did not have the luxury as I did of a friend to rely on.  When we came we had them and time brought about a deeper bond between the families than ever before.

That week I don’t believe the sun ever came out.  It hid behind the cloud cover and the humidity was suffocating to one reared in the more western part of the state.  The day Eddie came to retrieve me the sun shone in all its glory.  As we returned home we passed through Longview, down I 20, over the Sabine River bridge and as we looked out across the beautiful water and trees, Eddie commented, “it is beautiful and I think I might like to live here.”  For me this was a dream, a fantasy.  

We went home and before long he had put in a request to see if some job were available that he might be qualified.  The response seemed to come at amazing speed.  We sold our home and found a small parcel of land with no house and purchased it from Dewey Faulkner, who later became a great friend and neighbor.  I loved his wife Essie Mae like my grandmother.  She was such a special lady.

For six months while we traveled back and forth to build a small home for ourselves, we lived in a three bedroom home with one bath with Eddie’s parents.  At this time we had a daughter that was almost thirteen, our son almost 12 and twelve and a young daughter of 5.  Did I make that one bathroom distinct enough?  God is merciful or surely grandpa would have taken the girls out and locked them in his shed and maybe their mama too.  Grandma cooked and washed dishes and cared for the children during some of our trips back and forth because all we had there was a small camper that slept four.

When we are young we have no idea the burden we place on our parents or the grace they have to bear it or the generosity of heart they were given to endure the time.  We took so much for granted or maybe it was only me that did.  I pray God had an extra load of rewards for them when they got home to be with Him. 

We only had weekends to be able to go work on the house and sometimes we would take grandpa to help and there were times when he and grandma would go stay and work.  Our children were still in school therefore I had to stay and be with them while Eddie continued to work.  

In April the rains came as we tried to put a roof on the house.  The ditch around the foundation with no porch to step on was extremely muddy one particular day and as grandma attempted to go across into the back door with her umbrella I watched paralyzed as she slowly seemed to just float to the ground umbrella still in place as seen so many times on Mary Poppins.  It was not my nature to control my laughter at inappropriate times back then (guess that is where Carol inherited her trait), and I could not help myself.  I do think I waited to see if she was hurt but inside I was laughing because it was funny.  She laughed too.  She was such a marvelous woman.  She taught Eddie self control.  She was the ruler of self control.

As with most arguments we never remember the cause but sometimes live to regret the consequences.  I lost my temper over some trivial thing and grabbed up a seventy five pound bag of shingles and threw them up on my shoulder and marched over to the ladder where Eddie stood to climb back on the roof.  In 1982 I had the pleasure of back surgery which I contribute largely to that little outburst along with some other things I did in ignorance in my life.

I mentioned the rains and one particular afternoon the children and I arrived and when I went inside the house grandma was pacing the floor with a towel wrapped around her head, wringing her hands with the most troubled look I had ever seen on her face.  “Oh! Lillian please go get Eddie off that roof, he will be struck by lightning.”  Poor grandma maybe she is where I learned the fear of storms.  Eddie was fighting to get the board covered with tar paper to save our roof.  God always watches over his children and that day I know he was shaking his head and saying son, you best be glad I love you and have a plan for your life beyond today.

Another time I recall about grandma was the first night we brought her and she was there at night fall.  Her words resonate in my ears as if we were both standing there right now looking at our surroundings.  “It is daark out here.”  I cannot put into a word how she spoke the word dark.  She was terrified of wild animals coming to take us away.

Our little camper did not have a shower and therefore my man of all trades built us a shower.  It was four posts with a #2 wash tub sitting at the top and was tall enough for us to stand under.  He had put a faucet in the bottom middle part of the tub for our shower head.  During the day the sun was suppose to warm the water we put in with a water hose.  Did I mention this was being done between, February through June.  Mr. Independent would not think of going to our friend home to take a bath although he did break down at least once and do so.  I would feel so guilty I would not go either.  One particular time the tarp he had placed around the shower area was flapping so hard in the wind that it kept slapping me around in there and I felt I had been tenderized and frozen right on the spot.

Finally we finished the house enough to be able to stay inside.  Boy howdy, I remember several houses now where we waited for a functioning bathroom and were elated when finally we had a kitchen sink to wash the dishes rather than the bath room.  Robin was so funny.  She would never draw water out of the bathroom faucet to drink.  She said it was nasty, although the water was pure and came to the kitchen faucet the same way.

  As I recall we were barely inside when we got a visit one day from the pastor of the Liberty Baptist Church.  I believe he was actually the first to ever come visit us from the community.  We were impressed that he came.  Although we ended up joining the church his parents attended, which was practically in our back door, I will always remember it was Carroll Brooks that came that day and made us welcome to East Texas.  Later when we were bought out and moved to another house three miles down the road, our property adjoined his aunt and uncles place and his grandparents actually lived in that house long ago.

We officially moved into the house lock stock and barrel on June 28, 1976.  Our Robin was thirteen years old that day.  We were so busy that she never received a cake, not even a proper gift.  I bought her 13 rolls of sweet tarts which she loved.  She never even gave it a thought or if she did never said so.

This reminds me of the time we were putting down the sub flooring.  Give me your roaches, your mice, or most any other little bug but of most importance never, and I repeat never come near me with a granddaddy long legs.  I was standing minding my own business when Robin thought it so funny to come put one on me.  Before I even knew what I was doing I had swung my arms at her hitting at that spider and her receiving the blows continuously with lots of screams and protests coming from my mouth loudly. James Dobson's mother, with her girdle and all its straps that wrapped around him each strap slapping him with force, for talking back, never even came close to what happened with Robin that day.

One might think others would have witnessed this and saw with horror what happened and tell themselves they would never do that.  That might be unless you happened to be my husband.  I was on the floor with him, hammer in hand bearing down on completing that nailing job on the floor and he waltzes over and dangles one in front of me.  Somehow that hammer just started hitting that floor and he was dancing like some of those cowboys in an old western movie that someone was shooting at their feet with a gun.  I truly believe that I was capable of hitting his foot if I could have got him before he moved.

One particular night after the usual nightmare of the shower, which may have contributed to my life being saved, I bounded in the camper door from the ground to the floor of the entry way, missing the step in between.  As I crawled into bed there was a loud yelp and then another and another followed that one.  Eddie bolted out of bed and found our dog had been shocked by being under the camper and coming in contact with the frame.  Somehow where the extension cord was plugged into the camper there was a problem.  Hey! I am not an electrician but my electrician husband said had I stepped on that metal step coming in the door I could very well be pushing up daisies today.

Eddie worked shift work and life was never shall we say routine.  The only thing that was routine was his ability to work his job and come home and work there non stop it seemed.  He built a chicken house, then a pole barn and then our neighbor (who did this work for a living) dug us a big pond.  We city slickers were now going to be farmers.  He built a well house and it was large enough to store a deep freeze.  Later it grew to a laundry room with an attached double car carport.

Speaking of the deep freeze.  One year we picked black berries galore and I had them frozen in packages to eat black berry cobbler and pies all winter long.  Mama had halved a beef with us and the deep freeze was full of vegetables from the garden as well as the other mentioned.  In July we went on our usual week vacation to Lake Whitney and Eddie said turn off all the breakers except for the deep freeze and water well.  I did and when we came home there was this hideous odor in the laundry room.  When Eddie turned on the electricity he found the culprit.  He had turned off the main breaker, which of course was why everything in the deep freeze had an entire different meaning to the word smell bad.

My saving grace was the fact he caused the problem and he cleaned out the deep freeze all by himself, which is good otherwise we would have had to put a twenty foot chain around it and pulled it behind the tractor facing the wind and buried it.  I am not good at all with strong odor, I get violently ill.  I will never forget when I was about three or four months pregnant with our first child and went to a first aid class where the hostess was cooking navy beans with garlic.  I loved navy beans with garlic but as we studied and went through the course the smell of those beans cooking did something to my stomach that I can only discreetly describe as I kept swallowing until to no avail I ran outside.  I could not eat navy beans for several years following that episode.

Then one day Eddie came in from work pulling a trailer and inside was a small horse.  Of all things he brought home a Shetland pony.  He had paid someone at work $50 and now Carol had a horse. Easter came the next year and we got a rabbit.  Our little farm was definitely growing.  They put the plastic eggs out with the rabbit for Easter eggs.  After all she was the Easter bunny.  Carol and Suzie always had Easter egg hunts.  On the Allum's farm jonquils grew each spring like weeds. We would hide the eggs and the kids would hunt until their baskets were full.  There were few dull moments in those years with those girls around.  Mark was Suzie's brother and he and Tim were friends, however Mark loved to read and Tim loved to do anything other than read therefore they were not always together as the girls were.  They shared different interests.

We had never had cows and I had this terrible curiosity to see a calf born.  To be honest I had never seen anything being born other than one kitten that Ramona's cat delivered and that was after we moved on the farm.  This reminds me of something I cannot in my wildest imagination believe I took part in.  Bob and Ramona as well as us had cats but we didn't want more cats.  It is costly to have cats neutered therefore, we decided we would save some money and do it ourselves.  I don't know where we got the either to put on a cotton ball to sedate them but I did the sedating and Bob did the surgery and the male cats made wonderful pets without producing any more cats.  We never killed or maimed one.  The skilled surgeon and his nurse were successes.  Honestly I must have had a whiff of that either or I would have surely fainted.  One thing is for certain today I cannot bear to watch Carol doctor the chickens so I have no idea where that strength or ignorance came from back then.

Speaking of cows, the fence between us and our neighbor ran along side our driveway close enough that his cows would come lay down out there and I could watch them.  One day this big beautiful black cow was laying there and she acted like she had a problem.  She would stretch her neck and make a little groaning sound and I just knew she was about to calve.  Periodically I would go and watch her.  It seemed like hours but surely wasn't more than one at the most and I couldn't bear it another minute.  I went over to her to see if she needed help.  He stood up leaving no doubt that He was not going to calve at any minute.

Our neighbors were pretty far apart and the closest one was about a quarter of a mile down the road.  So that year we let Tim try to play the drums in the band.  He ended up out in the car port.  Those poor neighbors probably still remember today the sound of the beat of those drums.  Ramona and I car pooled to take Tim and Mark to band practice. We would pass these large fields of goat weed and with all the windows down I recall several falls with hay fever that turned bad.  Oh! but I did and still do love the fall of the year.

I believe it was in 1977 we had the largest snow fall that I could remember.  It was in January and Eddie had began to set out pine trees down the side of the drive way.  He ended up planting the remaining ones in the snow.  They grew to be beautiful tall pines.

Our driveway was a long steep one from the road up to the house and the snow made a perfect place to slide on a large piece of cardboard.  That year I was having problems with my back and was finding it difficult to get around.  The kids had gone down to the creek looking for adventure waiting on me to get dressed to come out in the snow.  I had put on several layers of clothes and did not have any boots of my own so I had put on several pair of socks hoping to hold Eddie's on long enough to play for a while.  I went out to get the cardboard when I heard a loud scream.  I know what the saying means when stated my heart was in my throat and I began to run.  All thoughts of back ache melted away as I drug those boots across the pasture to where I heard the kids.  Tim came running and breathlessly told me Carol had been swinging across the creek on a grape vine and it broke with her falling into the creek.  She was wet from head to foot.  Carol had pneumonia about three times when she was small and I was terrified.  When we got her back to the house I drew a hot bath for her and we drank hot chocolate.  The most amazing thing was the run with those heavy boots had cured my back and later we were able to slide down the hill on our cardboard sleds.  Tim and Robin had gone much later across the pasture to the hills on the neighbor behind us hills and they had the best day ever.  All in all it was a beautiful day.

I particularly loved to walk in the woods over on Ramona's land and we went several times to dig trees to transplant at our house.  One particular pint oak that we planted was named Bob's tree because he dug it up and transplanted it for us.  Bob taught Eddie to rake and bale hay and we eventually bought a small tractor that would pull the hay baler.  I really was daddy's helper now.  I was on the tractor helping rake one day and as he made a pass with the baler he looked over and jumped off his tractor and had me stop and promptly slapped me up side my head with his leather glove.  I was so shocked I didn't know whether to cry or jump off and hit him back.  We never had hit one another so I had not a clue.  For those that may not know I would like to inform you that bumble bees are drawn to Paris perfume.  I have no idea why I had on perfume but I did and that was only the first of those little beggars that tried to stick on me that day.

to be continued

February 4, 2012......James Mercy Triumphs

I closed the last page on James Mercy Triumphs this morning by watching the last video.  And I cried.  As always after I have done these lessons alone I have the desire to have a group and everyone come receive the blessing I did.  When God sends them they will come and until then I will wait.  I don't know who I loved more in the end James or the spirit the study brought out in the one that gave it.  She never ceases to astound me at how she can wrap my life up in a tiny package and hand it back to me with the love of God.

She ended our fabulous study by telling some of her personal reflections.  She equated bringing a brother back to the truth by love.  She stated that few knew all her private life and the sins that took her away from the truth and Christ and the journey she endured.  She shared that the ones that meant the most to her were the ones that knew the truth of her life and covered her with their love.

KNEW THE TRUTH OF HER LIFE AND COVERED HER WITH THEIR LOVE.  This stung my heart in conviction as well as memory.  Can I cover their lives with my love and lead them to the light of truth once more?  I remember the two friends, as well as my mother, knew my faults and failures and covered me with their love.  I could never quiet put into words what my very best friend June did that nobody else seemed able to do.  She listened and in some uncanny way would give an example that almost had nothing to do with me and the particular way I was facing an issue and I would feel loved and go home and think about what she had said.  She didn't preach at me although at times she definitely preached to my sin.  And at the end of the day I could go, look her in the eye and hold my head up still with my dignity in tact.  Oh! Father what a gift you gave to June, please give it to me.

My other closest friend Joy had the very same ability.  And because of them both I am the person I am today.  I can look my failures in the eye each time Satan brings them to my mind to shame me, and tell him to go away because they have been forgiven.

We all like to look at big sins versus little sins, but in God's eyes the mustard seed can still separate us from fellowship with him as well as the gigantic rock of sin in our lives.  When we become so heavy laden with our sin we cannot seem to rise above them to nurture or comfort or teach another.

Quickly comes to my mind the scripture in Psalm 51 where David asks God to forgive his sin that then he can teach transgressors their way.  So many times in my life, even right now today, I try to teach transgressors their way and yet I have sin in my life that is not confessed, either through ignorance on my part or unwillingness to give it over to God and let Him examine it and then face it and ask forgiveness and go my way.

I do not have a lack of conscience.  Guilt may be the devil's very tool to put a shadow over the real sin in my life that I need to repent of.  I have been asking God to reveal my sin to me and convict me that I could see and repent and live for Him.  The very first one that comes to mind is my pride.  Where in the world did all this pride come from?  We are talking about me.  I feel a complete failure most of the time and yet I am prideful?  Yes, as I have learned shoving that failure in the face of others is another form of pride.  Oh Lord help me what are we to do.  I am hanged if I do and I am hanged if I don't!  Have you ever felt that way?  Well, I can tell you just go through a study or two with Beth Moore and as she puts out those scriptures and you read them with your heart seeking God, I can assure you with every confidence that God will wrap it up in a little package and hand it to you with love.

James, the brother of Jesus, who never accepted Him while he was alive ends His God inspired word with and ending, "and shall hide a multitude of sins."  The entire verse being "Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner form the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and hide a multitude of sins.  James 5:20  Can you only imagine as Beth did how James felt when Christ, his brother, risen from the dead, stood and called his name?  In my imagination I hear Lillian, I lived within you, I loved you with a Holy love, I gave you forgiveness forever for your sin, do you hear me?  Can you love another with my love and turn them from their path of destruction?  Will you seek me and my truth and then do my will?  It was easy to imagine how James felt and the five books he wrote reveal the man as well as the intent God meant to relay to all the ones reading scripture.

To him much is forgiven must forgive much.  Lord teach me your ways.  Teach me to love in deed and speech and lean not to my own understanding.  Forgive my sin that you may teach transgressors their ways through my witness as well as any other means you might have plans to reach them.  Oh God let your Word remain in my heart and all the things you have shown me in these five chapters wrap around my heart, hold it so tight that I can feel the grip and as I walk away from my mirror not forget what you taught me about judgment, love, mercy and please Father give me triumph through that mercy.