Family

                              A Dysfunctional Family versus a Traditional Family

I believe history proves both types of family have failures as well as victories.

My earliest recollection was vague but I was two and my grandfather had come to take me home from Camden, New Jersey on a train.  My memory is of a loud noise when two trains passed close to one another.  I had dreams of the incident but that is total recall.  All he ever revealed of the trip was train and some nice lady took me to the restroom for him.

The next thing was I was five and mama was sitting on the porch in front of our house and called me to sit on her lap and asked if I would like to have a new daddy.  You see my parents divorced and that was why I was coming home with my grandfather.

With all divorce come consequences and most of the time the children bear the brunt.  Kids would ask me, why my last name was different from my parents.  Later my boy friends father told him he needed to not date me because I came from a home where my parents were divorced.  Today a kid might laugh at that but back then divorce was not common as drinking water.  It was looked at for what it is, a disgrace and people did it as a last resort.

The Bible says when two are married they become one.  When they divorce they become half.  (my view). And then the scripture states a house divided against itself cannot stand.

My family was halved.  One half never existed for me.  My mother, grandfather, grandmother, and great grandmother were the family until age 5 then my step father made 6 and later my sister made 7 of the original family.

We had no Aunts and Uncles since my mother was an only child.  So we had great Aunts and great Uncles on my grandmothers’ side and my grandfathers’ side.  Granddaddy had one living sister and brother.  The sister never married and the brother had a wife and 3 girls.  Granny had two brothers and one sister (who had one son the same age as my mother).  One brother was a bachelor and the other had two daughters.  So those were the extensions of family we grew up with.  My sister was 7 years difference in age which along with her shyness and my forwardness certainly made for a mix. 

However, we were all family and my stepfather’s family lived in Idaho.  A large family we were able to see 3 times in our life time. 

Remember I told my family was cut in half then another half was grafted in.  So now we are a whole family, not original but somewhat whole.  However, my grandmother came from a traditional family remained a traditional family but then one day an argument arose and her bachelor brother who had loaned her and mama some quilting frames made some remark about her not bringing them back and granny got mad.  She and mama loaded them in the back of the truck and we took them to his house.  He was a Scott with their family nature and he threw them back in the truck and said he never meant for her to bring them home early.  Unfortunately they hit my leg and another family was divided.  This time it was the children.  My grandmother did make one attempt to resolve the division but by now his pride was so involved and perhaps his age and he died separated.  Such a waste!

Eddie and I reared our family with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and we embraced them all.  We were a traditional family and I vowed never to have my family divided.  I saw the mistakes and said never will those happen to me.  I made my husband first and my children were first right after him.  This will work I said.  They will all have unconditional love.

Eddie came from a traditional family and for him it was all roses and his family all close.  After the children were grown that family had divisions, but his mother had a family of 8 siblings.  One sibling remains.  He will be 100 years old September 28, 2015.  All the children held each other in high esteem and remained close friends always together until death did they part.  However, divorce halved a couple of them also.  It isn’t a respecter of persons.

So here we see no matter traditional or dysfunctional there are always failures and victories.  The sadness come when we are a part of a divided family whether husband and wife or sister and brother or brother and brother.  It is painful and that sin will pass down from generation to generation just as prophesied.  And the road in which those on the journey will be strewed with pieces of broken hearts until one stands again and says I will not let this happen in my family yet perhaps she forgot to put it in the hearts of her children so that when they grew up they would realize family is the hub that holds the spokes that turns the wheel.  Then she with all her determination finds she lies on the road with all the other broken hearts. 

Don’t be that person.  Teach your children the importance of family and unconditional love.  I thought I had.

Romans 12:18 If, it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.