A Tribute To A Friend

Joy Loretta Peck passed away Saturday, October 3, 2009, at a local hospice center with all of her children and two special friends present. She had battled cancer with great courage for four years and seven months.

Joy was born March 19, 1935, near Ringling, Oklahoma, to Willie Arthur and Virginia Baker. She was married to John Peck on March 23, 1953, in Henrietta and this union produced three sons, 12 grandchildren and six great-grandchildren.

Joy was always a homemaker, a wonderful mother, and a woman of great help to her husband. She had trusted Jesus as her Savior as a teenager, and greatly loved her church, Grace Baptist Church.

John wrote the Obituary and was greatly distressed when he realized he had not listed Joy's sisters names and it surprises me that the funeral home did not ask. However, she had three sisters. I do not remember her ever speaking of a brother. Audrey was her youngest sister who previously died also with cancer. Bertha Mae and the other sisters name (maybe Agnes) alludes me.

This immediately brings to mind the subject matter of the sermon her pastor preached the day of her funeral. Proverbs 31

¹⁰ Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. ¹¹ The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. ¹² She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. ¹³ She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. ¹⁴ She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. ¹⁵ She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. ¹⁶ She considereth a field, and buyeth^a it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. ¹⁷ She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. ¹⁸ She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. ¹⁹ She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. ²⁰ She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. ²¹ She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet^b. ²² She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. ²³ Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. ²⁴ She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. ²⁵ Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. ²⁶ She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. ²⁷ She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. ²⁸ Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. ²⁹ Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. ³⁰ Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. ³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Many times this passage has been preached about a woman at a funeral service, but that day the woman had already preached the sermon by living it.

Joy was laying in the bed in her room and it was evident she was in tremendous pain in her last days. Remembering this scene another one comes to the forefront of my mind. Her Savior is standing there beside the bed and gently he reaches down and pushes a stray hair from her brow, as he bends down close to her ear and whispers, "you my child were that virtuous woman I had written about in my word". "You my child have done well."

Joy was a quiet soft spoken woman. She listened much more than she would ever speak. She didn't talk about herself and she didn't speak harshly about others. She loved her husband and she served him well as a wife in all ways. "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil."

²⁸ Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. She loved her boys and prayed for them regularly. They were always the focus in her world. And they did call her blessed.

She worked outside the home after the children were grown as a house keeper for a few people. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. "¹⁴ She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar."

I believe this part of Joy's life show's the true virtuous woman. After she would take her chemo treatment and get over the nausea she would go to this elderly couples home and clean their house for them. She did it because they needed her. She was a welcome sight to them for companionship as well as what she could physically do for them. She was really beginning to suffer the last months of her life, but she still went to their home right up till the last time she could take a chemo treatment. In my eyes this was dedication beyond description.

"She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms." She did even for those outside her family in the dwindling of all her strength.

She lived over two hundred miles away from us, but we talked on the telephone at least once a week that last year. Each time I called to ask how she was doing she would always, without fail tell me that she was doing pretty good and before the last word ended in my ears; she would quickly ask, "how are you?"

We never visited them that she didn't have a roast with potatoes, carrots and onions with a big salad waiting for us when we got there. "She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens" She was always quick to be hospitable. We never missed Church when they visited here or we visited there. They believed in the importance of faithful worship in the Lord's house.

She was always faithful also in having John's breakfast, lunch and dinner cooked and ready for him to eat. This was not a once in a while thing it was a daily thing with her. He was her Prince and she treated him with all the respect one would give a Prince. She never sat down and let someone else do the serving or cleaning up, but always sat down last after the table was spread and was the first to arise to clear it off. I never saw her home dirty or even in disarray. Even though she might tell me she had not cleaned that day. Not even in her last days at home did her home show neglect.

A niece came to stay with her and John that last few weeks to help in their home. I called to check on them and John said, "she is in the kitchen helping prepare dinner." "We can't keep her down to rest." She could barley get up out of her chair, but there she stood caring for her guest and her John.

John had told her to call him before she bathed because he feared she would fall and when he went in to check on her she was bathed and laying on the bed trying to regain her strength and so very nauseated and in pain. She wouldn't complain and the saddest thing was when she could no longer keep the moans quiet because her stomach hurt so badly. She had a beautiful refrain when asked the question that inevitably is asked, "I win either way." She was confident in her Savior and she knew she would be here with him or there with him.

Always it was her concern about John being left alone. She fought a good fight and the last year she felt that John had been prepared and he could cook and clean and be self sufficient without her. She wanted to give up so badly, but what about her boys and their families? Joy talked and prayed about those boys and their lives and her desire as most of us christian mothers, that she just wanted to see them all in Church serving the Lord. She grieved over the grandchildren that seemed to have lost their way for a time. She took them in, provided for them, prayed for them and served them with a heart of love. Although I was not there I feel she chose her words carefully when she did address them on any given subject. " She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." Joy loved them all.

In the early years of our friendship, which began in the late '60's, Joy and John were part of a group of lifetime friends that would go to Church together, go fishing together on vacation, share New Years Eve, (in the real early years in Church preaching in the New Year). After they stopped having the New Years eve services, John, Joy, Jimmy, Betty, June and Leonard would all get together and welcome in the New Year playing domino's. I remember one year when our Pastor lived across the street from us. I don't recall if it was the kids or our men that set off firecrackers in the front yard at mid-night and woke up our pastor and his family, but I do know everyone involved seemed to really have a delight in doing it. He was a good sport and joined in the laughter also.

Another memory that came up during the visits to our house many times was about when Jimmy and Betty brought them to deliver some long pipe for a carport we were building. Eddie had given directions to our home (the first time they had visited that house) and Joy called from a CB (we didn't have cell phones back then), and said with a really frazzled voice, we are lost. Eddie asked where they were and she said we are in a grave yard. Jimmy has the trailer pushed against the fence and we can't get turned around. She had spoken to someone else on the CB and they told her she best get out of that grave yard. Needless to say this has provided years of laughter and pleasure for those who would remind Eddie of the event and he has never lived it down. Eddie went to rescue them and all ended well.

Another event happened when all of us were camped at Lake Whitney. The men had gone to do some night fishing and us women were left at camp alone. We had walked up the road from the camp to see if we could see their lights coming back and an animal rustled in the bushes somewhere close by and all I could hear were feet pounding the sand in retreat, leaving me standing there with a flash light in my hand. I am not certain Joy was there that time and it may have just been June and Betty, but I learned real quick that I was on my own. So many times we have laughed over that memory.

I do not know if the cancer had a name. It was described as small tumors sprinkled like salt all over the lining of her stomach. She had a hysterectomy, then colon surgery twice. Eventually it had eaten through her colon and was dumping into her stomach. The Lord was merciful to her and she was able to live with little discomfort most of the time for the first couple of years but the time would come when a surgery would have to happen and she suffered. Of course she suffered through the chemo with nausea. The last year was the worst.

However, she would travel to see John's family and her family in Oklahoma and they would come here. I know so many times she was so tired she could barely go, but always that smile would be there and she would persevere. The last time they came I took her in the mule and John and Eddie rode on the four wheelers back to the creek and through the woods. She wore a mask because she was so allergic to everything in East Texas. I know she seemed to enjoy it so much. She was suffering, but again she said very little.

Betty and Joy were the closest friends. Their friendship went back several years before I met any of them. John and Jimmy were almost inseparable as were Joy and Betty. I really became a part of their lives when Betty found out she had breast cancer. Betty is a cancer survivor. Joy was there always for her during this time especially. This was the time when Joy and I bonded. June was such a homebody but she also was there for Betty too. We then became the four musketeers. June and Leonard had gone to Church with them also and they were all good friends that were close enough that I recall Betty talking about how they would go to town on Friday nights and get groceries together. All of us came from very humble beginnings. As the years passed the Lord blessed all of us with material things, but nothing compares with the love for each other that he blessed us to share.

June was the first of our group to go to be with the Lord. She had a liver disease that took her away from us way before she left this world. She had high levels of some chemical that built up in her system and she would not really be with us totally until the levels went down through elimination caused by some medications she was able to take. As with Joy it was several years before she died with the disease. Again I do not think they had an actual name for it. She was not a candidate for liver transplant because of other complications. She never drank a drop of liquor in her life, but her life did end with sirocus of the liver.

I never saw Joy dressed in any immodest way in all the days I knew her and I did know how she felt about provocative dress. I never heard her use a curse word. I never knew of her breaking a confidence. "Strength and honour are her clothing;" I am taking this somewhat out of context but strenth and honour were shown in the clothing she wore. She loved to shop. She always looked cute and fashionable, yet she always served John well by being frugal with her spending. She was not wasteful. Proof came in the end about this. John said she told him where she had stashed money so that he could find it right before she died. He was shocked when he found $1500 here and $1000 there. Joy had always been worried her cancer would eat up all their finances and leave John destitute. Materially they lived very modestly. I don't remember them ever having a brand new car. They always bought a low mileage used one. Joy had her house decorated like Better Homes and Gardens, but it was buying from friends decorating parties and picking up things here and there.

Joy was a human and I am sure she made many mistakes and she would be the first to tell you that, but she lived the exclamatory life I see in the scripture and honestly she was one of few that the sermon could have been true in almost every point. I never realized until this very moment that I never criticized Joy for anything she ever did. I don't think her faults were evident to me and believe me, I can find them in anyone. She was my trusted friend and I believe anything I ever told her went to her grave with her.

We went to be with Joy for the last time and I watched as my husband took her hand and told her how very special she was and what her life had meant to him. A moment in time for me because I never experienced this sight before. This speaks volumes for her character because my husband is so very reserved and very few ever touch his life to the point he would gain courage to do such a thing as this. He admired and respected her very much.

I am such an open book and have no understanding of private people but have learned to respect their privacy. I wanted to ask her questions about what she was feeling, because I know my time will come to go to be with the Lord and I hoped she could tell me something that would help me when I reached that time. I don't recall the exact question I asked, but I do remember her answer. "Lillian, I just never talked very much." She shut her eyes and went to sleep once more. I never tried to ask anything anymore. Did I feel rejected or reprimanded? No, because I knew Joy and I knew she just didn't have the words to say to me at that moment.

Joy spent her time at the hospital visiting the sick and again she did this when she was not suppose to be around people because her white count was so low. She missed very few Church services because I believe she wanted to be there and she wanted others to know whose side she was on. She bowled in her bowling league and was faithful to be there when others would have been home in bed with their suffering. She never gave up her fight to live. I truly believe if it had been to live for herself she would have given up after the first surgery.

Anyone is blessed to have one friend, but Eddie and I had six that kept us close even after we moved two hundred miles away. And that was a thirty four year long distance relationship. We were indeed blessed and still are with the four that are left.