This Woman's Thoughts For Today

February 26, 2010

The day began as it usually does, waking up to the alarm clock sounding its appeal, stretching and pleading to myself not to roll over and snuggle down in the warm covers once more. Alex lays with her eyes closed appearing to be in sweet slumber. However, duty demands we get ready and go to school.

I have now called her three times, gently at first and then more urgently, as she does not stir. "Guess I will have to go get some ice water and throw on somebody," I tease and that sweet smile that always wraps itself around my heart spreads across her face.

Eddie called and checked in from New Mexico where he will work for the next seven days, and as we discuss the business of the day, Alex brings the brush for me to brush her hair. As I lay down the phone, the call finished, she wraps her arms around my neck and holds her face close to mine and says, "Mee Maw I love you." Laughing into those blue eyes, I reply, "no you don't."
She squeezes my neck a little tighter and tells me, "yes she does."

What simple gestures of love can bring joy into life on a cold rainy morning. This is the day that the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Alex has been delivered safely to school, the mail posted and the banking done and once more home with a steaming cup of coffee.

Thunder sounds in the distance and the sky grows more dark as the sound of rain begins to fall on the roof. No sounds of the Wii game, or cartoons, no chatter just the sound of the refrigerator humming and the flickers of flames surrounding the logs in the wood burning stove catch my eye as this new day begins.

Reflections of yesterday cross my mind and the need to share lessons learned tug at the finger tips with desire to put into words impressions received.

My friend and I were going to a luncheon presented by a Financial group for Valentine's Day, that had been postponed due to an unusual event of snow the week before.

As my friend and I entered the building the wind whipped at our hair. I hurriedly spoke to our financial advisers on my way to my familiar first stop, the ladies room. There I found my hair was dangling. Quickly the clasp was replaced, skirt smoothed, and a self assured face (I definitely did not feel )was plastered on as I returned to the dining room.

There were large round tables set up in the room and ours was next to a Harp. The lovely girl played beautifully for us as we waited for our meal to be served. There were about nine at our table which two were men of our financial group. The other were ladies that kept a good flow of conversation going and all was comfortable and pleasant.

Having not attended many formal occasions it was not apparent to me which fork to use for the salad. Do I use the short tonged one or the long tonged one. My home making lessons of 50 years ago alluded me somewhat. However being the brave soul I am, I waited and watched until the lady next to me picked up the short fork. I have no idea if she knew either, but she seemed self assured so I followed suit. Having known what to do and how to act in a graceful manner, we made it through the wonderful meal with polite and consistent conversation which I persevered to not talk too much. Whether I made my goal or not would be for someone else to reveal. I did try and to me seemed to accomplish my goal.

As we left the dinner to go home, I replied to my friend, "Well, I don't feel I was dressed too dowdy. Her answer to my comment was OK!

I forgot to go by the doctor's office and pick up my prescription. I bit my tongue to speak what I was feeling which was really mean. And yes I seethed most of the way home.

When I got home my daughter was emptying feed into the barrels and I shouted for her to wait and not leave until I could speak to her.

I bounded through the garage door and out the back door, down the hill to the barn and with my hands on my hips declared not to quietly, "do I look dowdy?" Always with my child a question is answered with a question. "Why?" I explained and she laughed and said no mama you look great or something close, which appeased me. I told her I didn't want a compliment I wanted the truth and she reassured me that I looked fine.

Later in our study of Esther by Beth Moore, as the video session began the topic of "mean women" came up. It was like someone slapped me with a wet rag. She said when we get these mean feelings and want to chew someone up and spit them out it is because a woman feels threatened. Either we are rejected, insecure, someone walks on our turf, or something else that has made us feel threatened. And certain times of the month we really get mean. Can you relate?

It suddenly dawned on me that I was the prime example for tonights lesson. I felt mean because I was insecure and my friend did not validate me.

Our lesson was to always ask ourselves when we are feeling mean or angry, "why?" I hope I can learn from this lesson and let it work itself in my life. I hope this might enlighten someone else as it did me and for this reason you have my confession of being the "mean spirited woman."