If someone could speak from heaven what would they say to us?

February 10, 2011

If someone could speak from heaven, what would they say to us. I was going through boxes yesterday trying to label them to reference later should we desire to find something. A box with a previous label, "grandpa's stuff" was not only his but memories I had saved from our children. A picture Tim had colored, this card from Robin and a Valentine card from mama.

Robin's card has a verse from Walt Whitman on the front. "I keep thinking about you every few minutes all day." On the inside as you can plainly see in the photo, "I miss you." And then her letter written to us.

Daddy, Mom & Carol,
I'm wishing I was there with ya'll watching the snow fall & maybe having snow ball fights! It brings to mind the winter of '77 or '79 when we all had snow ball fights & even with the Allums! It was great, now I've been sliding around in my boots out here on the apt. sidewalks, It's fun too! Robert took me to his house & built me a fire in the fireplace, He's so good to me (spoils me rotten!) We worked on our homework & scratched each others back, it is so good to have your own personal back scratcher! I'm writing the snow is piling up, I think we'll get about 5 inches, maybe more if it keeps this up! I love it!!!!! I know people who have to drive don't but I love snow! I'm warm & it's snowing. I can watch it through my glass doors.. Five inchkes & no one to throw it at! Cheryl's in Jacksonville & Robert's at work. Are the colts frisking around in the snow? It's their first you know. I sure wish you could get some pictures of the horses in the snow. If Bob has film, get him to for me, tell him it's for me.

Daddy I hope they aren't keeping you out at the plant late in this weather! It's cold when you have to be out long! I think I'm going to go play in the snow a few minutes!!

Carol Lynne, be good! (Ha Ha.) Mom tells me you've been experiencing lose of full control of your brain!!! Thanks for taking care of my Jake, I sure do love him & hate to be missing seeing him grow up. Remember that you get to see him grow up & run through the pasture or make you laugh when he swcratches his back in the sand. Watch him for me because I have to be away at school. I can't wait till spring when I come home! Thanks mom & dad for feeding Jake & Minx for me. Tell Minx I miss her too, she's my dog!

We'll I wanted to let ya'll know that I love you all & I miss being there with you, I'm going to play now before Little House comes on!

See ya
Love Always
Robin

I typed it just as written. When I first began reading the card I was amazed the season of the year being the same as today, her love of snow, and then the place where she tells Carol she hates missing seeing Jake (the horse) grow up, my heart broke.

Robin has written a book in one simple card. First of all she has written I am a person who loves, considers others, is thankful, kind, gentle, joyful and secure. Note she knew Bob loved her and would take those pictures of the horses in the snow if he had film.

There is a name not written on that card which screams to me of a loss. Our young son, lost to us through his choice to leave home at such a young age. I do not say this out of condemnation. I say this because he lost so much precious time.

At this season in my life she wrote to me and hopefully to someone that may read this, "I sure do love him & hate to be missing seeing him grow up." "Remember that you get to see him grow up & run through the pasture or make you laugh when he scratches his back in the sand. Watch him for me because I have to be away at school."

To me it could have been said, Mama watch Tim or Carol grow up, I sure do love them and I hate to miss seeing them grow up. Don't waste your time on anger, resentment or sorrow.

She held Jesse in her arms when he was born. This was Carol's first born. Tim and his first born Natasha were at Robin's wedding when Tasha was only a week old, therefore she could have said Tim watch her grow up for me. Did any of us dream that six years after this was written that Robin would go to be with the Lord? What would we have done differently in our lives had we known?

The past couple of days have been a spiritual experience for me. I began a bible study by Beth Moore, "Breaking Free." In order for this to make sense I have to lay a little back ground.

When I get frustrated or confused I become angry. This seems to be the first emotion that arises in me as a natural response. Since the week before Christmas I have been confused and disillusioned. My relationship with my Christ has not been one of comfort and peace because as usual with my flesh I have been floundering around like a fish out of water. I pray then pick up my burden and try to figure out what to do with it, knowing full well it is a cycle that will only lead me to anguish, heartache and guilt.

And then my sovereign, faithful, awesome God once again, through mercy and grace reaches to my black heart and picks me up, wipes me off and once again sets my feet on solid ground.

In the study the first statement that caught my attention was, "I always thought it was lost people that were captives!" Then she tells of how all through the bible that God shows examples where he rescued his people that were in bondage.

"Bondage is anything that hinders us from the fullness of who God has called us to be." Captives are usually the people of God that he set free who fell back into bondage.

A stronghold is being mentally preoccupied. Strongholds always lead to isolation. These are enlightening statements. And the results that follow are also revealing. Strongholds are how satan prevents us from bearing fruit.

God took my cold, angry heart and let me for an instant have the mind of Christ, that I have been praying for. Do you ever ask yourself, "Hey bone head, why do you keep doing the same mistakes over and over again?" Carol told me once, " I'll forgive you mama, but you will just do it again." She was speaking of course to my novelty of speaking my mind in anger. Anger is one of my strongholds.

My anger subsided and peace reached around my heart. And I truly believe that the Holy Spirit caused me to begin this study on this particular day and to find Robin's card on this particular day in this season of my life. It is so difficult for me to express my feelings of how the Lord works in my life to reveal to me truths that I know in my brain but don't seem to reach down to my heart.

Robin's card shows the heart of a christian. Every word, every line speaks of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Robin would tell you that it wasn't her, but her Christ that lived in her. She would tell you to redeem the time and look to the Lord to strengthen your relationship with Him, to follow Him with your whole heart. I believe her life wrote the epitah on her tombstone that Robert so wisely placed there. "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." Psalm 116:15

I know God loves all three of our children exactly the same. His love is just, pure and everlasting. I want to serve Him with all the fervor that our little daughter did. I want someone to pick up something and read it someday and see Christ shining through me to light a dark heart or lost world. I am thankful that Christ loves all three of our children through me with His love and not my flesh. I love each of them with their differences and I am so thankful He gave me the opportunity to be their mother.

We were only given a short time with Robin, but even from the grave she speaks. She loved her husband, family, snow, thunderstorms, horses, dogs and most of all she loved Jesus with all her heart. It just doesn't get any better than this.

Love deeply, forgive easily, cease from vanity, pride, strife and anger and watch the God of heaven bless your life and just maybe send a word from heaven to you.

I love you Robin. I love you Tim. I love you Carol.

Mom