My love letter to God

Tonight our pastor gave us four questions to answer in a love letter to God. I jotted them down in a hurry so I may not have written them exactly as he said but the general idea is there.

1. What has God done for you?
2. What qualities do you admire about God?
3. What amazes you about God?
4. What are your biggest fears?

And then he said to share it with someone.

In a sense I wrote a love letter to God when I wrote about Robin. Robin was my Valentine gift from God this year. Thank you God for Robin, our 26 years to love and adore her and to be loved and adored in return.

First of all Lord I want to thank you for saving my soul. It was a real struggle to get lost and erase doubt that I had to do something to be saved and to stay saved. Thank you Lord for giving those teachers and friends in my life that led me to you through their love and persistence.

Thank you Lord for your mercy and grace and long suffering as I struggled through those early years trying to do it all by myself. Thank you Lord for forgiving me for my mistakes and loving me anyway. Thank you Lord for giving me life that I could look back and grow in those mistakes.

Thank you Lord for giving Eddie to me. He has been the earth beneath my feet, the ruler over my head, the only stable thing when all around me was moving. He taught me consideration for others, a quiet spirit, to be silent, to love the unlovable, to look to understand people, to labor, to give with a charitable heart. I believe as Sarah said to Abraham, "My lord" it could be said of my husband. Thank you Lord for using him as an instrument of your will to teach me the things you would have me learn. In this instant I am reminded of the scripture, let another man praise you.

I love you God that you were faithful and true to hold our hands and our hearts through all the sorrow and pain in our lives. Especially Lord in mine. I thank you Almighty God for your power and mercy to show yourself to me when I cannot reach out and touch, feel, hear, smell or hear you. Yet I know your there. Thank you that I can feel your presence deep inside my soul where no other can reach nor go.

How can I separate these mighty works you have done and it not answer the second question about the qualities I admire, no qualities I worship about you O' God.

It amazes me to be 66 years old and have read and studied or sat under teachers and pastors all my life to watch you present the Word to me at just the right time, the right place and the exact moment I needed it the most. It amazes me how your Word comes alive and reaches to the deepest part of me and convicts me of my sin and turns right around and forgives me as I ask you to forgive me, knowing full well in my flesh I will eventually do it again. I know you know this about me in my humanity and continue to unconditionally love me anyway.

I am amazed Lord at your tender mercies and your love that are fresh and new every morning. And I love you Lord that you indeed give beauty for ashes. I love you Lord that you set the captives free and your willing to set me free from my strong holds as I trust in you. I thank you Lord that your my strength, my high tower, Almighty God, my redeemer, and my salvation and without you I am nothing.

What are my biggest fears Lord? I believe one of my biggest fears is that when I stand before you that my works will all be hay and stubble and be burned up yet I will be saved so as by fire and have no crowns to cast at your feet.

I fear that my life was so caught up in being all about me that when we reared our children I did not do all that you would have me do to present Christ to them and encourage them your way and not my way to love and serve you. I did not teach them unconditional love. I did not teach them not to judge and that my righteousness were as filthy rags. I didn't realize that it was nothing in me that could reach out and save them. Only you Lord can work through me to accomplish your will and perform it.

I fear dying a horrible death. I know Lord this is not faith. This fear comes when I am in some sort of pain. I fear losing those I love because they will leave me or stop loving me or through death.

I fear for Alex. Lord she is yours and I know in my heart that I cannot protect her, keep her in your presence nor teach her your ways that only you can do that and you do not need me to help you. Father let me give her to you once and for all and trust you to do with her just exactly what you have so graciously done with me all my life.

My love letter has begun to sound more like a letter of confession. Thank you Lord for making me exactly like I am and thank you for loving me and for covering the sins of my flesh with your precious blood where when you look at me you do not see me as I see myself but you only see the sacrifice that your Son gave to give me eternal life. And then O' Mighty God I can come into your presence and worship you and truly write a letter of love to you.